Lois's Inheritance

 Present

• Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
• Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
• Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff

• 

  Cody Dieback

  Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
• Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
• Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
• Willow. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
• Lois Price. Human Female Wizard of Porn City – Ian
• Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl

by Cody

We had arrived in Le Brun, a modest settlement of perhaps 350 souls, nestled at where the Broken River forked. The place boasted two establishments of note for travellers: the Golden Tourniquet, which sounded more like a medical procedure than an inn, and the Flaccid Barrel, which I shall refrain from commenting upon. There was also a Temple of Methuselah in town, for those inclined toward such timely devotions.

It was late in the day when Fat Willow suggested we ought to stake out Julius's cottage before approaching it. "How do we know someone isn't watching it?" he reasoned, which was uncharacteristically paranoid for him.

We secured three rooms at the Golden Tourniquet and made inquiries. They didn't know much, but Elizabeth Riley, who worked at the Flaccid Barrel, proved more forthcoming.

"We used to see Julius regularly," she told us over a pint of something questionable. "He kept to himself, mostly. He does have a servant, though I never met the fellow myself."

She mentioned others in town: Esme Wills, Sergeant of the town guard, and Captain Terrence who commanded them.

"We noticed there was a Methuselah temple here," I piped up, ever curious about religious establishments.

"Yes indeed," Elizabeth nodded. "Priestess Doreen Smythe runs that." 

She then gave us directions to Julius's cottage, a modest property on the outskirts of town.

Julius's Cottage

Before we could retire for the evening, Munch was sent out to scout the property. He slipped away into the gathering darkness, returning an hour later with his report.

"Surroundin' the ground'sa low stone wall," he whispered, though we were in the privacy of our inn room. "Single-storey cottage wiv a garden, stables, driveway, an' dog kennels. There's a light on. Property's surrounded by trees. No one's spyin'"

We decided to approach properly the next morning. At the gate, several dogs barked ferociously until we heard a whistle that sent them packing.

Ugly-unt

A servant greeted us at the door. He was enormous—six foot seven at least—and profoundly ugly, with a face like a wrinkled prune that had been stepped on - repeatedly. Indeed, he made even me look handsome by comparison, which is no small feat.

"Been expecting you, Bunning," he said, looking directly at Lois.

"No, I am Lois," Lois corrected indignantly.

"Yeah, Lois Price guaranteed," the servant chuckled. "An in-joke the master and I used to have about you."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Ugly-unt," he replied, "with a silent 'c' in the middle.  Lois is here to take master's place, which is wonderful."

Inside, the cottage was modest but well-appointed. And there, above the fireplace, hung a painting of Lois - stepping out of the shower. Beside it, her mother—sister to Julius, though one would never guess from the family resemblance.

Ugly-unt served us tea with mechanical precision. "Julius told me he would be leaving this place to you," he explained to Lois. "So I was expecting you."

The cottage consisted of a main room, bedroom, study, kitchen, and cellar. We began our search in the study. No magical traps upon the desk.

In one drawer, we discovered a bag of gems, three vials (magic), and a small knife likewise enchanted.

"Finders keepers," Munch muttered, though we agreed to divide the spoils later.

Unnatural meat

Down in the cellar, behind racks of wine, we discovered a secret door leading to some tunnels. What we found there turned the delicate stomach: carcasses hanging from hooks—sheep, pigs, cattle-beasts, but also humanoid creatures. The cuts were unusual, professional but ... wrong. And among them, at the back, gnoll carcasses and human bodies too.

"We should check if Ugly-unt is serving us lunch," Tom noted darkly.

True to Tom's prediction, lunch was sweetbreads in a roux sauce—a strong, gamey meat that I pushed around my plate with mounting suspicion.

When he was out of earshot, we came to the conclusion that Ugly-unt was not a man at all, but some form of construct.

"No I'm not!" came a shout from the kitchen.

Either he has good ears, or he can read thoughts.

From the meat cellar, more tunnels extended further through another secret door. 

We found big tables covered with metal pieces, dark stains on the floor, and—most alarmingly—a communication device similar to the "book" we had found in Porn City.

There was also a mini-crossbow with a tiny metal pipe for the bolts, with a pistol grip, which Ezme immediately claimed.

The tunnel led to a circular room with a three-metre hole in the floor. Above, the ceiling showed where a hole had been filled in with dirt. Down the hole was a very smooth shaft, clearly not of natural construction.

A set of double doors stood barred from this side. Beyond, we could hear something large moving about. It bashed against the barred door with considerable force.

"Best you don't open that door!" came a voice in our heads.

We followed another passage and eventually reached another metal sphere—just like the one beneath Porn City, complete with keypad and all.

Munch investigated the keypad. There was a code scratched on top: 9363303_0_

Suddenly, Lois clutched her head. "Don't come back upstairs," she heard Ugly-unt in her mind. "I'm giving him a walk."

Trying to remain calm, she thought back: "Ok."

"That's good," came the mental reply. "You can send Munch up if you want, though. He needs some food."

We heard noises upstairs—heavy footsteps, the clanking of chains.

Then, urgently in Lois's head: "Lois! Get out of the way. He's coming down. I can't control him!"

"Bugger," I muttered.

Munch, listening to the brain-boxes of the group, tried "3 3" on the push-button panel. The hatch clicked open.

All in 

We all scrambled inside the sphere and sealed the door behind us. No sooner had it closed than something massive landed upon it—two hundred kilograms of angry creature—preventing us from opening it again.

For the next hour, we occasionally tried the door. The creature remained stubbornly atop it, snuffling and scratching. So, nothing else to do, we searched the interior thoroughly.

Unlike the Porn City, sphere, the inside of this one had been stripped bare. Many drawers were missing, though the buttons and levers remained. Unlike the other sphere, nothing worked—the power seemed completely drained.

Eventually, the creature grew bored and wandered off.

"It's all right," came Ugly-unt's mental voice. "I got it. I've locked it up again."

We cautiously emerged and crept back down the tunnel. But the creature had not been locked up after all!

We met it in the tunnels—a thing of tentacles and malice. Yes, the same type of creature we had fought beneath Porn City, but this one fresh and whole. Rock and Tom, scouting out front, took one look at it and fled. They tumbled back down the steep tunnel, taking damage from the fall. [2D6 each]

It squealed

Then the creature arrived. And it SQUEALED.

The sound pierced our minds like needles. Munch, Rock, Esme, Jack, and I collapsed, clutching our heads as the psychic assault overwhelmed us. [Failed saving throws against Arcane magic]

The fight was joined.

Willow had the Wand of Major Cures, so he used the last two charges to bring Jack and Rock up.

Ardern attempted to cast a Major Cure to bring Esme up and fumbled spectacularly—everyone in the vicinity took damage from the magical backlash except herself. [Ardern rolled a 20: 2D4 damage to all within 3 metres] Luckily, she succeeded the next round.

Mighty blows

It was a desperate battle. Esme and Tom struck mighty blows in the first two rounds, nearly slaying the beast immediately. But the creature rallied, and its tentacles were deadly. Tom was dropped, then criticalled by a tentacle strike that would have killed a lesser man. [Tom spent 3 Luck to reduce damage.]

Esme was dropped next. Jack took a critical hit that sent him reeling. Rock, lacking a magical weapon, could only watch until I cast Enchant Weapon upon his blade, allowing him to harm the creature. [Enchant Weapon, making Rock's sword +2 ]

Even that was not enough—Rock soon fell unconscious.

In desperation, as the creature turned its attention to the fallen, I cast Cone of Cold. The blast of freezing air engulfed the creature, and with a final shudder, it collapsed, frozen and dead.

Silence fell over the tunnel, broken only by our ragged breathing.

Then, in all our minds, a voice—Ugly-unt's, but broken and despairing: "What have you done?"

From up the tunnel came wailing. Terrible, mournful wailing.

And we knew this was not over.