Tuesday, September 29, 2026

Down the gurgler and other adventures

 Present

  • Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
  • Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
  • Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
  • Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
  • Lois Price. Human Female Wizard of Porn City – Ian
  • Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl
  • Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
  • Willow. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
  • MARMALADING Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven

by Jeff

Munch snuck back into our hide sometime before dawn and reported on his discoveries. A potential back door into the enemy caves that will bypass the two watch towers and any patrols!

"It's perfect" Munch said, "And even Willow could fit through the tiny entrance."
"Well, we can't make it there tonight" noted Cody, "We'll keep a close watch tomorrow and can check it out tomorrow night."

Not much happened down in the enemy camp during the next day. The Woman and her two Ogre guards came out for water, some cooking was performed in the two fire pits just outside the cave entrance, and the two pairs of Orcs on watch in the watch towers were relieved by another two pairs of Orcs.

Everyone felt rested and energetic by the time night fell, and after waiting for a few hours to let the enemy patrols settle Munch led us in a large arc around the canyon to a small stream that meandered down from outside the canyon walls. Following the stream up towards the canyon, we found it soon entered a narrow gulch and then disappeared into a small dark opening in the stony hillside.

"I can't fit in there" exclaimed Willow, "Do you think I'm a tiny rat or something?" 
"You can" confirmed Munch, "I measured it last night and there is plenty of clearance"

And sure enough, Willow was able to squeeze his ample bulk into the opening, albeit complaining all the while about not being able to breathe and getting his trousers and socks all wet.

In fact, it was Ezme that led the party through the squeeze and into the cave. 
There was only room for one person to squeeze in at a time and Ezme was followed by Jack, Tom, Cody, Ardern, Willow, and Lois, with Munch bringing up the rear.
The cave soon opened out a bit, still narrow, but about 3m high.

We followed the cave, winding our way along between the rough stone walls, splashing through the water, for about a hundred metres before Munch pointed to a small ledge up ahead.

"Up there" stated Munch, "A small cave leads off away from the stream"

The narrow ledge sat about two metres above the stream, and once we climbed up onto it, we could see the small entrance in the cave wall that led off into the darkness.

"Bloody tight hole" mumbled Willow, "Do you all think I'm a rat or something?"
"Good idea" noted Ardern, "A rat will fit up there nicely."
"And you can check out if there are any enemies!" instructed Cody.

Willow used his ability to transform into a rat, then scuttled off into the opening.

"This is pretty nice water" declared Jack, (Aquamarina Priest!) "I'm going to explore up the stream and see if it leads to that small lake in the canyon"
"Why?" asked Tom, "We already decided we're not going in through the front"
"Just to see" answered Jack, "And, it's pretty nice water"

Jack lowered himself down off the ledge and headed upstream, his light slowly fading away until it winked out. Then his light winked back on and brightened, until he was back with us.

"Got a bit steep" Jack reported, "Give us a hand will you Munch"

So, while Willow was off ratting down the tiny tunnel, Munch and Jack explored upstream.

"What was that adage about splitting the party?" wondered Ezme.

But nothing happened. 

Willow returned safely out of the hole and reported that it wound along for some distance and then opened up into a much larger cavern, containing Orcs. There were about 20 sleeping mats there, with Orcs coming and going, between five and twelve present at any one time.

Jack and Munch returned safely from up the stream and excitedly reported that there was a magical pool of water in a grotto, which was the source of the stream. 

"Not sure what it does exactly" said Jack, "But it doesn't recharge magic points"
"And there is a water filled shaft that leads up to the canyon lake" continued Jack, "I'm sure of it"
"Magic" exclaimed Lois, "Lets go and check it out"

The party dropped down off the ledge and headed up the stream to the magical pool.
Except for Tom, he thought it was a waste of time.

"I'll be waiting here for when you come back" Tom grumbled.
"Me too" yawned Willow, "All this ratting has tired me out"

Willow made himself comfortable on the stone ledge and dropped off to sleep.
Tom tried to keep watch, but it was dark, and the gentle rumbling of the stream below quickly lulled him into a pleasant nap, and glorious dreams of mighty battles where he smashed his enemies into pulp with his new magical Morning Star. 

The rest of the party had scrambled up through the steep cascade of water towards the magic pool. Arriving at the edge of the pool, they all looked out over the still waters of the grotto. 
There was a slight sparkle to the water.

"Maybe Healing" suggested Cody, "You test it out Lois"

Lois drew her dagger and sliced it across her hand, drawing blood. Then she lowered herself into the pool and floated there for a bit. The blood dissolved and the wound slowly closed up.

"Healing" confirmed Lois, "And my web-snot infection had cleared up totally"
"Oh yeah" noted Jack, "Mine too. I hadn't noticed"
"Must be why that woman was bathing in the lake" declared Ardern, "I bet its magic up there too"
"I'll go up the shaft and check it out" declared Jack, "Cody, can you cast Water Breathing on me?"

"Snap" went Cody, and Jack dived silently into the pool and disappeared on his underwater adventure.
But he didn't return.

Some hours passed before everyone became concerned enough that a rescue plan was put into action.
Munch tested the rectangular communication devices to see if they could talk to each other. Sure enough, they could. The older one, Ugly Unt's, was able to open a channel to the newer one, Thackery's. And vice versa. Cody took one of them, tucked it into one of his multitudinous pockets, cast another Water Breathing spell on himself, and slipped into the pool, heading down to the submerged opening to the shaft that led up to the lake above.

Cody cautiously and stealthily pulled himself into the shaft. He spotted the side jet where the magic water was entering the shaft, seeping both upwards to the lake and downwards into the pool.
He pulled himself past there and continued upwards towards a faint glimmer overhead.
After ascending about twenty metres, maybe halfway to the surface he could see above, Cody felt an uncomfortable tingle pass down his body, like a weak static shock. Then a ton of rapidly moving water thrust him back down the shaft. 

He noted later that it felt like it had gone from a barely perceptible current to a thundering torrent in less than a second. Driven back down the shaft, Cody thumped and crashed along the stone walls, got pounded into the rocks at the bottom of the shaft, and was forcibly ejected from the pool as water erupted from the pool and thundered off down the cave.

As Cody dragged himself up the banks of the pool, bleeding from numerous cuts and contusions, [nine hit points of "falling" damage inflicted after failing his Swimming roll] he was certain that the barrier holding back the lake had failed, and the lake was rapidly draining down through the shaft and flooding into the cave system. 

As the torrential flood gushed up from the pool and cascaded off down the cave system, Munch looked on with horror as the water picked Ardern up from the side of the pool and carried her away. [Ardern suffered thirteen points of damage, was knocked unconscious, and carried some hundreds of metres down the cave system. In a stroke of Luck, she was deposited face down just metres from where Willow and Tom, by then very much awake, were watching anxiously as the water rushed past just below the ledge they were on.]

Lois was also surprised by the sudden upswelling of water and was blasted off the side of the pool and smashed into the walls of the grotto and then dumped high up on a small stone ledge above the flood line. [Ian failed his Perception roll, eleven damage, knocked unconscious, but made his Luck roll and didn't get washed away down the cave]

Ezme noticed the initial upswell of water, managed to jump clear, and was essentially a startled bystander as everything unfolded in front of her. She watched as Ardern was dashed away and Lois was forcibly thrown into the grotto wall. Then Jack shot out of the pool, carried by the torrent. He flipped through the air like a leaping dolphin and landed beside Ezme.

“Cool, aye?” he beamed. “Where’s Ardern?”

Ardern was at that point being pulled out of the flood by Tom and Willow. They pumped the water from her lungs, checked her breathing, and slipped her into the recovery position, and wondered how the others were getting on.

Jack explained to Ezme that after diving into the magic pool earlier he had emerged into the lake, explored around a bit, then attempted to return. But was blocked halfway down the well shaft by some solid barrier and couldn't get back to the party in the underground grotto. It wasn't until a few hours later when a whirlpool formed over the shaft and the lake water level began to drop that he had swum back out to the shaft and dived into the swirling water to shoot down the shaft like riding a hydro slide.

"Ah yes" commented Ezme, "Cody removed that barrier, so you could return"

As the water levels at the pool subsided, Cody rushed off down the chute to see what had happened to Ardern. Lois and Jack slipped back into the calming pool. The still-magical pool healed their Major Wounds and restored two hit points each.

"Back to the magic pool" commanded Cody when he arrived at the ledge where Tom and Willow waited with Ardern's unconscious body. And off they went, everyone once again together in the grotto at the side of the magic pool, returned now to its peaceful still state. Cody had noticed that his session in the magic water had cured him of all his lice and tics and apart from his still weeping sores and cuts, he felt refreshed.

A flurry of Healing spells were cast, and serious discussions were had.

"I guess someone will notice the lake is gone"
"It's still dark out there"
"Let's bugger off out of here"
"Let's attack through the orc tunnel now"
"Let's not"

Plans quickly gelled and the party went to work.
Munch scouted the stream exit to see if anyone, or anything, was investigating the flood. Nope.
Cody cast an Invisibility spell and snuck off through the orc chamber to scout the cave system.
The rest of the party sharpened up their weapons, counted their spell points, and prepared for battle.

Cody returned and reported that he had found Thackery, as dead as, hanging from the ceiling of one of the caverns, gutted, and partially eaten. But he had also found the woman, in a side cave, talking on a rectangular communication device to someone. About us!

"She's by herself there" sneered Cody, "And Thackery's pile of equipment is there too. Just a bunch of Orcs, Goblins, Gnolls, and a couple of Ogres to get through and we'll 'av her!"

"I reckon Fireballs" said Cody.
"With a Silence, so no one hears" suggested Lois.
"And I'll charge" declared Tom.
"Me too" said Ezme eagerly.
"And I'm in" said Jack.
"I'll guard the rear" stated Munch, "So ya don't need to worry about things sneaking up behind ya"

And it went to plan. Mostly.

Cody used his Invisibility (still running) to position himself in the perfect spot to include the occupants of the orc cavern in a Fireball, then triggered the attack by rolling a pebble across the floor.
As the four Orcs and two Gnolls casually turned to look, Lois cast her Silence just beyond the cluster of creatures to ensure no sound exited the cavern to the rest of the cave complex, and Cody dropped his Fireball into the centre of the creatures.  [Twelve points of damage, all the Orcs and one of the Gnolls failed their saving throws, and all of the Orcs went down in piles of smouldering skin] Of course, his Invisibility switched off when he "attacked".

Tom, who had dropped into the room after the Fireball went off, charged forwards towards the two remaining Gnolls, Ezme and Jack dropping down from the cave entrance right behind him. 
Tom's mighty swing connected with the first Gnoll's head, dropping it instantly.
Their wild return swings passed cleanly over Tom's head, hardly disturbing his hair.

Tom and Ezme engaged the last Gnoll in that first chamber and dispatched it effortlessly.
Simultaneously, Cody sent another Fireball into the next chamber where a collection of Goblins were milling around and cleared that room. But no Silence to mask the explosion, and surely the rest of the complex occupants would now know we were here.

Most of the party were down in the orc cavern at this point, barring Willow who was still struggling to make the two-metre drop from the little cave opening.

Munch, skulking about towards the rear of the orc cavern, warned Cody that a group of five Goblins were sneaking up from a rear passage and Cody cast another Fireball towards them.

"CRUMP", five more enemy Goblins scorched!

Willow finally arrived with the group and cast his Bless spell. This would add a one-point bonus to our saving throws against all things damaging. And we moved forward. Cody already knew that there were two chambers down that passage where a bunch of Gnolls and the two Ogres had been situated earlier and had warned the others what to expect. 

Cody cast his last Fireball along the passage before Tom, Jack, and Ezme stepped up. 
[The Fireball managed to catch the two Ogres and four Gnolls up ahead in its area of effect]

Tom and Ezme led the advance down the passage, Jack at their shoulder with the strange mini crossbow [a pistol by any other name] pointing forward past Tom's ear.

Tom stepped through into the next chamber and found himself face to face with a scorched Ogre, another standing just behind it, both scowling nastily at him. With a deft swing of his magical Morning Star, Tom's strike passed the first Ogre's defences, dealing a critical hit to its chest region. One down!
[A 1 on the initial D20 attack roll, followed by another successful hit roll, means a critical hit with additional effects off the critical hit table. In this case ignoring its armour, an additional D8 dice roll of damage, and negating its attack in the next combat round. Perfect]

Jack simultaneously pulled the trigger on the crossbow, and the tiny metal bolt shot off into the chamber ahead, past Tom and the two huge Ogres, and ricocheted off the stone walls to no effect. [His chance of hitting is quite low, but marginally better than his chance of hitting an ally! And the potential damage is significant]

Having dealt to the first of the Ogres, Tom and Jack pushed forwards into the chamber. Beyond the remaining Ogre were a cluster of three dead and still smoking Gnolls, with one still alive and heading their way brandishing a huge club.

Giving the crossbow up as a lost cause, Jack slipped it into its holster and drew out the second of the shock rod devices that Munch had handed over. This one had two buttons, and Munch's testing had discovered that each of the buttons generated some kind of glowing blade, one equivalent to a long-sword and the other equivalent to a short sword. [A light sabre, for those in the know]

With Tom engaging the last Ogre directly, Jack had the perfect opportunity to use his shock rod weapon. The glowing blade shot out as he pressed the activation button, a strange hum emanating from it, and he swung the blade at the final Ogre's arm. It passed straight through it, the arm dropping to the ground in a spurt of sizzling blood, and the last Ogre collapsed to the ground, dead.

But then a streak of red shot towards us from somewhere ahead.

"Duck" yelled Cody as an enemy Fireball exploded in our midst.

Of course, there was no ducking from a Fireball, and eleven points of damage was dished out to those in the combat; Tom, Jack, Ezme, and Cody. [Tom and Ezme made their saving throws and received a half dose, six points, less some absorbed by whatever armour they were wearing, none in Cody's case!]

Ezme had also engaged a creature, the last Gnoll standing. But not standing for long. One decent strike and the Gnoll toppled back to the deck, its skin still smoking from the previous Fireball, and blood and guts spilling from the large wound Ezme's two-handed sword had opened across its stomach.

Those still standing spotted the woman, standing by the cave system exit out to the canyon, and she was in the process of casting another spell. 

Lois, wearing her cursed magical cloak, [This cloak absorbs magical effects, points equal to the level of the cast spell being deducted from the cloak's capacity (was originally 20 points, but slowly dropping). We had forgotten about this previously as no spells can be cast on Lois, such as Healing, Bless, etc. and she can't remove it due to the curse] charged forward, confident that no spell would cause her any harm.

A Fireball would still engulf the rest of the group though, so prayers were offered. Luckily, the woman cast a Lightning Bolt which crackled and fizzed harmlessly around Lois as she barrelled straight into the woman, both of them falling to the ground in an odd parody of a wrestling match.

Tom, Jack, and Ezme rushed forward after Lois, and Ardern slipped into the chamber and cast a Healing on Cody, who had slumped to the ground in a smoking heap. The woman drew a dagger and managed to slice Lois across the arm, drawing blood, and causing a nasty stinging wound that rapidly darkened, some type of poison spreading quickly.

Tom brought his Morning Star down on her head, and Ezme threw herself onto the woman.

"Don't kill her you oaf" she shouted at Tom, who was raising his Morning Star for another blow.

Jack cast a Slow Poison spell on Lois, which seemed to slow the advancement of the poison effects. With his Morning Star still poised for an attack, Tom glanced around for any other enemies to engage. Nothing. They were all down. He reluctantly lowered his Morning Star.

"There might be others outside?" he questioned hopefully.
"There are for sure" replied Ezme, "Lots. But let's deal with this one first"

The woman, now unconscious following a gentle tap by Tom, was dragged back through the cave complex to where Cody had first spotted her talking on the communicator, and we thoroughly searched her and the room. A Detect Magic spell was cast over all the assembled loot. The woman's communicator didn't detect as magical, which aligned with what we knew of the others we had collected, but her dagger definitely was. As was the bow and quiver from Thackery's belongings, and the large ornate looking lock on the heavy chest in the corner of the room.

As Munch considered the lock with a thoughtful frown, a Cure Major Wounds was cast on Cody, and Lois cast a Knock spell on the lock. Unfortunately, the Knock spell failed, and in fact failed critically, generating a deafening noise booming out from the lock. Lois and Munch staggered back as the sound blasted on for a full minute, during which time it was impossible to think or cast any more spells.

Lois was then out of magical power, and the lock was still locked.

"I ain't touching it" warned Munch, "Not with some magic trap thing going on"

So, Jack cast a Transfer spell, depleting his magic reserves but successfully transferring some power over to Lois. Lois then tried again with the Knock spell, almost depleting her magic reserves too. But this time the spell was successful, and the lock sprang open with a snap and an electrical fizz.

A hexagonal key, a small wand, a bunch of gold, and some minor trinkets.

Then we left, back through the caves to the stream. A brief diversion upstream to the pool for a Healing bathe, and then down the stream to the outside. [Spell points for all the casters were pretty much exhausted, so Heals were strictly rationed. A few points for some Remove Tracks spells were held in reserve]

The dip in the pool healed up Lois's wounds, but the tingling cold from the dagger's poison was still present. Dragging the unconscious woman with us, we made our way cautiously back to our hide.

We knew there were plenty of creatures still out there in the wild, including the two pairs of Orcs on guard in the watch towers, the patrolling wolves down in the canyon, and the hunting party of Goblins, Orcs, Gnolls, and an Ogre. They were in for a surprise when they returned to their base!

Would they be cowed by the devastation we had left, or would they set out on a hunt to inflict vengeance on whoever had attacked and killed their friends and taken their leader?

We hoped for the former!

Tuesday, September 15, 2026

The Pinky Portal

  Present
    m
    Munch
  • Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
  • Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
  • Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
  • Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
  • Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
  • MARMALADING Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
  • Willow. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
  • MARMALADING Lois Price. Human Female Wizard of Porn City – Ian
  • Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl

by Munch


Well there's we all stand, in a hole underneath a destroyed Shi Estate, no sign of Thackery, a vibrating orb around us, a hatch in the floor which we ain't seen before and in the open hatch a pinky coloured portal with a stick pushed halfway through it. 

Now what is on the minds of most of us? With this group of folk I have been with for some time now there is never a plan B, and usually not even some remote form of alteration of a plan A, so we all knew despite the back and forth discussion, that we would  always go through the portal. But we did the usual um and ahh like stuff before we traipsed our way back into the destroyed Shi mansion and settled down for a session of healing and general getting spells and stuff like that. 

Munch
Light-beam sword
I don't do none of that spell like stuff so instead got out the new spiky wand prong thingy and had a good shifty at it. Longer than the short one I already had, and this one with two buttons rather than one, must be twice as good. I press on one of the buttons, making sure me other arm was out of the way. There was no way I was gunna test this on meself or even anyone else in the party. Slap a dash and out comes this light-beam about the thickness and length of a short sword blade. Pressing the button again and it disappeared. Pressing the other button the same light comes out but this time the length and width of a long sword. I reckons if anything touches that light, whoopsey blam bingo and that's gunna hurt. But I ain't no good at those sorts of long weapons so reckons someone else might like to have a bit of a crack at this thing. Maybe someone will ask about it at some point.

Anyhow we all gets back up to fighting fitness and down we goes all ready for jumping through the portal.

The pinky portal looks back at us as we all stand around and Tom and Cody hatch a plan. Tom holds the end of a normal rope, no ways they're sticking me magic rope down that, and Cody slides down and through. Once he disappears Tom can no longer feel any vibration or movement on the other end, so of course we assume all is good and fine and one by one without hesitation we slide down the rope and through the portal, Tom securing the rope and coming down last.


There we all stands, in a cavern about 15 paces in length and a large pillar in the middle. This here pillar looks right out of place being sort of carved and man made like but nothing else around. Also in the side of the pillar is some sort of hexy hole cut into it and some smart bugger reckons some sort of key-thing would probably fit into it quite well. There is a thunderous sound in the distance and a sort of damp feeling in the air, so Willow changes hisself into a little bird and flutters off to check things out.

Meanwhile Cody decides to have a bit of a play with the pinky portal in the side wall of the cavern, you
know, the one we jumped through. He sticks a couple of things into it and is able to pull them back out but there is a problem, they have been cut off up to the point where he had pushed them through. Looks like going back through the portal could be a little risky on the staying-alive front.

Birdy Willow returns turns hisself back to human like and says there is a big waterfall what is in our way but there is land and the like beyond. Lucky we has Cody with us cause he has some fancy spell that will let us pass through the waterfall and not get washed away by it (Airy Water), so Jack volunteers to go through and check out what is on the other side.


Whilst he is away some of the party do various hand wavy stuff, magic all good and priests can connect with their god so we must be some ok'ish like place. So we all decide to go through the waterfall and find ourselves in a large crater.

Jack returns from his squizzing around and tells us all we is in a big crater with high walls and some sort of interesting hole right in the middle. so we wander off to this hole and there is one of the sliding
spirally tunnels like we have seen before with an orb at the bottom of it. So down we go but this time there is no orb at the bottom just a bit of old metal lying around, though the metal looks a bit like the stuff the orbs are made of. Nothing else of interest so back up the spiral tunnel we goes.

We head up to the top of the crater a bit of a struggle but we is all in good health so no real probs. Just below the lip, we stops, and Cody, the best sneaker we has, heads off to check out what is up there. He pokes his head up over the lip and spies a bit of a prob, a bunch of nasties in some sort of small camp. 

We is talking right nasties, Gobbos of course, some orcs, even gnolls but worst off some right major big bugger too (ogre or giant). We knows we is going to have to be right careful, so as to make sure we are not invited to their next barbeque, if you catch me meanings.

Cody is being real careful like, and it a little concerned so he decides to put his thinking cap on. Not only is he a pretty good sneaker he is one of them wizardy boys with all sorts of brainy like abilities, so he figures out that we are now about 1,000km clib (north) of where the other side of the portal is, and that there are a couple of towns not too far away from us, named Angel and Halo. After thinking and
scratching his chin for a bit he reckons Halo is a fair distance away and that the crater we are currently hiding in is at exactly the location of the town of Angel. Something mighty big has exploded here
and what was the town of angel is no more.

He knows he needs to find out some more so he sneaks up closer to the nasties to see if he can dig up more dirt on these boys. he casts one of his spells that lets him understand other languages (Comprehend Language)  and hears the following:

"What a waste of time, why are we here? We caught the black guy. We have to listen to the human black bitch who tell us to wait around, then she tortures and kills him. then tells us to wait here and guard, bugger this I am so bored and we is running outs of them good brub." 

Good info thinks Cody but then he notices some wolves a little way a way, who are also part of this band, and starts getting that puckering feeling in his nethers. Wolves can smell real good like and his current invisibility and sneakiness is no match for them noses. So he buggers back off to us, and it don't take us long to realize that plan z is the best option here so off we scarper as quietly and quickly as we can.

This we do successfully and soon the crater is well behind us, with me and some of the others making sure our tracks are well-hidden so we is feeling pretty good we can't be followed.

We are a bit confused after an hour so we stops and does a bit of talking like so as to work out what is going on. We works out some woman has killed Thackery and there is a blood trail that we are following but we don't know whose blood or why. Also Cody notes the sky-angle of REAL, and calculates that we is back in time, 7 days!

This makes me brain hurt, how can it be last Monday when I have already had last Monday. I reckons to just leave all this weird shit to them brainiacs. We reckons our best course of action is to use our dogs to just follow this blood trail, it is all we have left as a plan anyway.

As we follow the blood trail, these dogs of ours are right good at this stuff, we come across a figure in the distance strung up to a tree. We close on the slowly swinging figure we see it  has its guts and all
hanging out like, and it is a woman. On closer inspection we recognize her. It is Mage Till, one of them women from Greybank that was part of the weird cult up that way, and she looks like she has been dead for about a week. I tells you she was pretty ripe so I didn't get too close and we decides to just leave her swinging in the breeze what with none of us brave enough to get too close and what with us having no qualms with leaving the dead unburied. 

But there is more than air and sawdust between some of our heads so we decide to use more spell-like stuff Speak with Dead and have a bit of a chin wag with her before we heads off. It is some sort of complicated spell, we can ask 5 questions but she can only give us 1 word answers. What a palaver it took us for bloody ever to works out what we wants to ask but finally we end up with the following:

  1. Were you following Thackery? yes
  2. What does the woman want with Thackery?  Mayiar
  3. Where were you headed? Thackery
  4. Who is your leader? Thackery
  5. Where is the hexagonal key for the pillar? Thackery

Off we goes following the trail in a battle direction, travelling at night and hiding out during the day. On the second night the trail begins leading down into a canyon and we decides to find a good hidey hole and watch and get a good shifty on things before going down too far. 

Well only after some bright bugger thought that maybe Willow doing his animal change thing would be a good idea, and he turns into an owl and flies around and through the canyon, seeing a large wooden outpost with figures and wolves in it, a large cave entrance and a nice hidey hole like copse of trees and bushes.

So with me great night-sight ability, I lead the rest of the party to the copse, we make ourselves nice and hard to see and begin a bit of a watch and see plan. Dawn does it's usual hitting one on the head and we observe quite a bit before we start thinking about what we do next. 

There is a spring in the middle of the canyon with a small lake around it but there is something not quite right with it. The brainiacs in the party reckon that it looks impossible as the water needs to flow out of the canyon but there is no stream or river leading out. In addition we notice that the wolves that Willow saw at night are not around during the day. the place is guarded by ogres with one at the entrance to the cave mouth and a couple by the spring. Cody does his invisible sneaky thing and hunts around above the cave mouth looking for a chimney or some way in but finds nothing.

pool
Lady in the pool
Discussions in whispers are held as usual and the usual plan A comes to the fore. After a whole day of watching half the boys and girls are bored and want to do the usual charge thing right into the cave mouth. However it is decided to wait at least one more day which we do having a quite night of repose and then the next morning we sees this woman come out of the cave entrance head down to the spring and have a bathe and stuff. I was too far away to see much but I reckons she enjoyed it as much as I did. whilst I was keeping a close eye on this woman just to make sure she did no bad stuff of course, Cody does the sneak bit again and heads up towards the cave entrance. 

He pokes his head into the entrance and sees a bunch of gobbo guards and realizes it might be a little tricky to go further so returns back to the rest of us. Whilst he was away I reckons I only blinked twice whilst I kept me eyes on the woman, I took me responsibilities very seriously.

Plan A was still near the top of the party's agenda, so it was time for me to put on me big boy trousers and use me great ability at seeing in the dark and have a right good shifty at this spring and why there is no stream leading out of the canyon. So that night I head around to the funken side of the canyon and sneak towards the spring. I comes across a little stream and follow it a bit. It leads into a very small hole in the side of the canyon, just big enough to crawl into. So in I goes and crawl along with the water only a foot deep. I crawls along for a bit and it opens out into a small cave and I can see another exit on the
other side of the cave. 

Perfect I thinks to meself, not only not plan A but a potential entrance into the cave complex down that there passage and much safer place for the party to hang out and observe.

So that is where I is gunna finish this part of me memoirs, with me heading back in the dark to tell the rest of them buggers we now might have another option other than a full on charge at the front entrance.
me next entry might fill ya in on what happened next.

Tuesday, September 8, 2026

Return to Greybank

  Present
  • Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
  • Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
  • Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
  • Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
    Cody Dieback
    (Reimagined)
  • Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
  • Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
  • Willow. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
  • Lois Price. Human Female Wizard of Porn City – Ian
  • Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl

by Cody


Downstream with Dogs and Gnomes


"We're going back to Porn City," Lois declared, packing her inherited cottage's silverware into a sack. "Mother needs to know about Wilbur."

"And I need to not be in Le Brun," I added, watching Willow coax his three charmed hounds onto the barge. The dogs—now our official mascots—took up most of the deck space. "Also, we're giving away the horses."

The horses, left over from Julius's stable, were distributed to grateful Le Brun locals who didn't ask too many questions about why we were fleeing in such haste. 

Downstream travel proved blessedly uneventful. We passed through Amyst (staying at the Bicep and Torso), survived the Dead Falls without any undead aquatic incidents, and collected Fillet Homeshoe, the gnome stoner, who was waiting on the riverbank looking for passage to Brokenmouth. 

That evening we reached Vesper and stayed at the Wyvern and Husk.
gnolls
Gnolls vs Flame Strike

The next morning, gnolls attacked from the riverbank. Our barge bristled with spellcasters—myself, Willow, Ardern, Jack, Esme, and Lois all cast Protection from Normal Missiles. We needn't have bothered; Fillet waved us off and obliterated the poor bastards with what looked like Flame Strike, but it stank of arcane. The gnolls never stood a chance.

Cynic (Gnome Cravat inn), then Sloth (Random Broadbean), then finally Brokenmouth and the Emancipated Siren. We bid farewell to Fillet, who wandered off muttering about "finding his center" or possibly "finding more weed," and caught a coastal tramp ship to Porn City.

Reporting to Sal


Sally "Sal" Price
We stayed at Swallow's Demise—a name that always struck me as unnecessarily final—and Lois dragged me to the Wizards' Guild to meet her mother, Sally "Sal" Price.

Sal listened to our report about the Methuselah cult, Ugly-Unt, and the spy Wilbur infiltrating the Throak guard. She didn't blink.

"Go to Greybank," she ordered. "Find Thackery. Kill him. And see if there's another metal sphere there."

"Just like that?" I asked.

"Just like that. Lowest Price Guaranteed."

Lois and I stayed at the Guild that night. Tom collected his new chainmail—three points of armor, shiny and un-bloodied for now. 

Esme checked on our hidden communication device at Soixante Neuf; still there, still blinking.

Upstream Again


We rented another barge (and heavy horses) for upstream travel, and passed through Bodkin, Pestard, Wittenburg, and Thrumming Brook without incident. Seven weeks after our first visit, we found the same little creek where we'd hidden before, two or three hours' walk from the Shi estate.

"Wizard Eye," I muttered, casting. The cultists' clearing (where the egg hung last time) looked deserted—abandoned, even. The same devastation was still there when the creature hatched and ran amok. The Shi mansion sat in the distance, brooding.

Munch, Willow, and the three dogs went forward to scout.

horses
Unfortunate horses
The Shi mansion's door was smashed inwards by something big and strong. The barn was even worse. That night, we explored as a group.

Several horses lay in the barn, ripped open and six weeks dead. Inside the house, something violent had rampaged through: doors smashed, furniture destroyed, a trail of chaos ending in the kitchen. We found an old woman's body in pieces—Horatio Shi's wife, perhaps?—likewise six weeks decayed.

In a trapped study desk (needle trap detected, Munch's thumb poisoned, Neutralize Poison potion consumed, magic detected), we found a bag of coins, two healing potions, and another communication device.

The Tunnel and the Creature


The kitchen cellar led to a wine rack, then a secret door, then a meat cellar with rotten provisions. Beyond that, a narrow tunnel—too narrow for the tentacled creatures, thank Real.

We camped there, rested, then pressed on. The tunnel ran 120 meters with alcoves containing gargoyle statues. Noises ahead. At 40 meters, it opened into a room.

In the floor: a three-meter pipe descending into darkness, and a banging from below. On the far side, a heavy door smashed inward from outside.

Then it hit us—literally. Another mind-flayer type creature, tentacles flailing, psychic scream building.

I hit it with Cone of Cold. The fighters charged. It screamed.

Everyone dropped except Munch, Lois, Ardern, and Rock. We were outclassed, outmatched, and about to be dinner. Ardern managed to rouse Tom with a healing spell, but the creature turned back toward us—until Munch pulled out his metal wand-prong, the one that had withered his arm.

The creature recoiled. It knew what that thing could do. It scurried away down the pipe like a frightened rat.

Round Two


We recovered for a day, licking our wounds. 

The second fight went better—Willow cast a Bless on us beforehand. Tom and Rock led the charge. Jack fired the strange "crossbow" gun. I hit it with another Cone of Cold.

The creature dropped mighty Tom in one savage blow, then screamed—dropping only me this time. Apparently it can only manage one scream per combat, or perhaps one per day.

2
Round Two
Then Willow did something brilliant. He pointed the glass scanner device at Tom. Not only did Tom wake up, but he was on full points and undamaged.

Ardern tried to get me up with Cure Major Wounds and fumbled spectacularly, collapsing into a terrified ball. 

Rock went down too, but the Scanner brought him back.

With all fighters engaged, we finally brought the beast down. Decapitation followed, then the standard precaution of pulping the remains.


The Third Sphere


Down the hydro-slide tunnel (as we're calling it), we found another metal sphere. This one had an 8-digit code: 1 2 4 7 1 _ 2 9 _ 6. We tried 6 and 7 .

It worked.

eggs
Metal eggs
Inside: lights on, web-snot present but manageable, and treasure. Munch found another wand-prong—this one with two buttons. A communication device. And some strange metal eggs, chook-sized, with levers and rings.

The communication devices showed four names: Unt, Julius, Thackery, and Mayiar.

portal
Cody and the one-way portal
Unlike the other spheres, this one had a floor hatch. Beneath it: a cloudy portal, pinkish-hued, one-way. Cody pushed a stick through—easy enough—but couldn't pull it back.

The priests analyzed blood on the inside of the hatch. Fresh. Dried, but only two days old.

Thackery—or someone—had been here. And recently.


Next time: Do we follow through the pink portal? Do we hunt Thackery? And who the hell is Mayiar?








 








Tuesday, August 25, 2026

Ugly-Unt Gets In Our Minds

 Present
  • Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
  • MARMALADING Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
  • loose Lois
    Lois Price
    Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
  • Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
  • MARMALADING Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
  • MARMALADING Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
  • Willow. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
  • Lois Price. Human Female Wizard of Porn City – Ian
  • Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl

by Ian



The Party pick themselves up and brush off the putrid gore and debris from the pet. The uphill smooth tunnel is ahead.

Tom decides to finish the hideous creature once and for all by taking his non-magical club and pulverising its head, arms and tentacles. Splatter flies around the tunnel. Party members dodge and bat away the bits. Unfortunately a small bit of the creatures head  lands on Lois's face. Her sharp eyes notice that the chunk of skull or brain, or whatever it is, notices that the chunk has strange little metal buttons and gems connected with coloured strings? The party notice this stuff is only in its head.

Now a series of conversations to decide what to do next? Ugly-unt is still wailing upstairs...

"What did you do???? Waahhhh. That was our friend!!!"

The last few power points all the spell casters had are spent on heals to get Munch up as he was unconscious. 

It was decided that Ugly-unt is obviously still listening to everyone's thoughts. Everyone is out of power so a period of resting and spell point recovery. The idea is that the sphere may stop Unt's mind-reading so they all head there.

They cram in and shut the trap door. A few try to mind-contact Unt and nothing. No connection at all! Yay, we can talk freely! Unfortunately the same protection also stopped all chance of connecting to gods to get power points back. Lois & Cody could not recharge either. The group head out again, back to the basement chamber where the pet's barred door is.

The spell casters prove that they CAN rest, pray and study here to get their points back. But decide to explore a little first.

Munch decides to taunt Unt via mind connection. The only problem is that his tormenting worked. A sharp, painful screeching blasts into Munch's feeble mind. He saves and the noise passes. No one else hears it.

"Unt mind-blasted me like the creature did!!!"

"Well, then you better not bother Unt again then..."

They decide to explore the barred pen. Tom lifts the securing bar. They carefully step forward.

filth
Cell filth

There is a short tunnel that ends in a small room with a portcullis (open). The smell is putrid and overwhelming. Past the portcullis, there is a larger room that is full of offal and discarded waste. Bones, filth and flesh. 

Across THIS room, on the opposite side of the room, is another portcullis. The group head there and the gate is closed with the control on the other side, in yet another small 10x10 room, with an exit door on the other side of that. The experts determine that the room is well outside the cottage section now, out toward the wilderness that surrounds the property. Even Unt's wailing and mind connection seem dim here.

The party return to the basement. An expedition sets off to the kitchen. Food is on the stove. The stealthy move to the front door and spot Unt with a couple of the dogs over near the stable. Brave Munch decides to ping Unt (for whatever reason) and Tom connects too. This time Tom receives that loud screech and collapses to the floor. 

Lois transfers her last points to Willow who casts Cure Serious Wound to get Tom up again. Tom spends the rest of the time chanting. Much to everyone's annoyance.

They decide to make a run for it. However, as Unt can mind-read, he sends the dogs to the back door and all 3 hounds are waiting at the rear. Everyone returns to the cellar...

Over the next 4 days the party set up camp in the basement. There is a very secure solid metal door between the camp and the house (Unt). They have days of regaining spell points via wafer, curing, exploring and detecting magic in every possible place. This underground area is well and truly searched.

Unt is largely absent and nothing interesting happens.

Eventually, all spelled up and sick of being underground, the group head to the metal sphere to make plans without Unt eaves dropping. 

While in the sphere, they investigate their discovered items:
- Magical dagger (that can wait)
- Small hand held crossbow / dart gun thing
- The communicator

They switch on the communicator and 3 names appear; Julius, Ugly-unt and a new name: 'Thackery'.
They press Unt and the device vibrates. This is Unt's device
They press Thackery and an incomprehensible squawking blasts out. Cody casts Comprehend Language and the gruff voice is asking what Unt wants? Who is this???? They stop the transmission.

munch
hand-held slug gun
Lois looks at the small hand-held slug gun and eventually note small, intricate controls that cause a central chamber to pivot outward. There are 8 small cannisters. They seem to have one end made of polished metal and the other is dull and filed off? Munch heads out of the chamber, and uses the dart gun in the tunnel. The power of the dart hurts his hand and makes a massive, explosive noise. There is a pleasant burning smell. The dart disappears up the tunnel and can be heard bouncing off the walls and floor. He comes back and reports the strange device. 

"Its really dangerous and difficult to control" 
[ No one in the party has a crossbow skill that would be relevant to operate this 'dart gun'. Down to 7 darts remaining. ]

They finally decide to exit via the locked portcullis to the woods. As they head off, everyone is careful to conceal their thoughts and not think of their decisions and plans. Unfortunately, most miserably fail their mind rolls. Esme in particular is carefully detailing every step of their plan in her head [ critical mind roll fail! ]. No matter, they press on.

Cody Knocks the closed portcullis and the grill breaks apart. They head to the exit door and that is ALSO blocked solid, from the outside. Cody, with another Knock and it too blasts open - never to be locked again.

They head off and a straight upward sloping tunnel brings them out in the woods, about 100m behind the cottage grounds. 

Finally outside they breath in the sweet fresh air and bath in Real's light. The party loop back to the house. They carefully approach the outer fence wall. There is no sign of the dogs nor Unt. Smoke plumes from the Kitchen chimney as normal.

Unt appears around the edge of the house and looks at us.

"I have been expecting you. Why did you kill our pet????"

Lois enters the conversation. "Well... you DID leave it there to kill us. It WAS self defence. We all acted as a team to kill that horrible thing and we are glad its gone!"

Unt's fury becomes uncontrollable and he RUNs at the fenced wall. 
- An arrow is loosed and hits Unt on the shoulder
- Cody fires an impressive Cone of Cold

Well Unt does save, but even then, the cone of cold not only does no damage, the arrow in Unt's shoulder pops out and the wound heals. Argghh, back to that again.

Tom and all don their magical weapons and ready to receive the charge. Tom does an impressive hit, but again, no damage. Literally bounces off. 

The stealthily hidden Munch, reaches out with his metal zapper and discharges a bolt on Unt. He recoils with the hit. 27points of damage! One of his arms is blackened and destroyed.

Unt turns and heads back to the cottage howling and Esme fires another arrow. It lands perfectly in the back of Unt's neck and he drops.

battle
The Ugly-unt battle
The party cross the fence celebrating the win! Only to discover the celebrations are a little too early. Unt is getting back up to his feet. Twisting his neck and the withered arm is mending from the shoulder. The level of regeneration is beyond astonishing.

Tom switches to his non-magical club. 

Lois has an idea and pulls out the glass fronted panel with the small gem. She holds the little button at the side and points at Unt. The device starts up and there is an image in the glass that shows bones, sinew, organs. Its amazing. A purple line appears at the base of the glass panel and moves up the screen. Lois keeps it pointed at Unt, looking for some kind of way to deactivate Unt. Whoops. the purple line goes over Unt's burnt arm and it starts to repair even faster. Almost instantly!
lois scan
Lois scans Cody

Tom smacks Unt with his club and he drops again. Esme and Tom decapitate Unt with their non-magical sword and club. 

Lois points the thingy at Cody, Same thing. Skeleton and tendons. Little white blips crawling all over him. He recovers 1 HP to full. The device thing seems to be getting a little dimmer.
[ We suspect this is a limited number of heal charges, just not sure how limited. ]

The party gather up all of Unt's pulpy bits. He too has the strange little metal buttons and strings in his head (what's left of it). The party throw everything into the coal range fire.


Setting up Home and the Cultists


The group chill out and make themselves at home in Lois's cottage. They get rid of the humanoid and other 'worrying' carcasses from downstairs and clear the kitchen of offal and anything else nasty. Cody insisted we keep the sweet breads for him. Willow casts 3 x Animal Friendships and the dogs are now friendly.


They FULLY search the house in detail and the only new thing is a magical cloak in Julius's wardrobe. 

Cody takes the time to cast Identify on the dagger and the cloak:
- Dagger is a simple +1
- The cloak is interesting.... It negates spells. There is a total 'charge' of 30 power points and any spell cast, the count is decreased by the *spell level*. If a 3rd level spell is cast, there is NO effect form the spell and the count decreases by 3. 1 for level 1 and so on. THAT would have been handy in the Wizards Guild on the day Julius was killed!

The partly also find a map and triangulate this village, Porn City and Greybank and discover that the locations make a perfect equilateral triangle. Cody considers that this shape and orientation is the same pattern as the glimpse on the black window panel in the Porn City sphere (before it was atomised, along with half the lower city). The corner point representing this village was the red light. Means that Greybank has a live sphere!

At a lose end with the house cleared, fully explored and not much more to do, the party decide to start working out the cult. We need some names!

Munch and Cody as the 2 stealth experts, sneak into town and monitor things. Munch at the Methuselah Temple and Cody by the village inns.

Munch notices the elderly female Methuselah Priestess, at precisely 8pm, leave the temple and head to the Flaccid Barrel.

Cody sees the Priestess arrive. She sits at a table with 7 or 8 other guests. One person, Esme Wills of the Town Guard, seems agitated and emotive. Pacing and waving her hands. 

1 hour later the gathering depart the inn and return to their homes. The Priestess lights out at exactly 10pm.

Munch and Cody return at 11pm as the village dies down to nothing happening.

The group, with Munch and Cody doing as much as they can, do not discover anything more. They do not glean any more cultist identities. 

Cottage Visitors


After  week has passed since the party passed through town, Esme Wills, in a town guard corporal uniform, and another town guard corporal, are seen approaching up the lane. Esme looks nervous. The dogs bark and the male guardsman knocks at the front door.

Lois, opens the door with a wide and friendly smile, "Visitors! Please, do come in. I am Lois."
Esme Wills visibly relaxes and she introduces herself and her colleague, Ronald "Ron" Build.

Ron enquires, "Where is Unt? He lives here doesn't he?"

"Oh yes" replies Lois, looking around. "He is here somewhere. He is a wonderful worker. Probably out back or in the stables or something? I am sure he is not far away." she charms.

Esme Wills quickly, and rather bluntly, asks if Lois is continuing Julius's great works and believes in the cause of distorting time and space. Lois, fully expecting this, agrees and praises the virtues of Julius's works and his beliefs. She describes the great work the party were doing for Julius in Porn City and how deeply involved we were in the recent web snot and investigations. Esme Wills beams with Joy!

Ron offers Tom a job in the town guard. Tom politely declines.

Lois asks if there is anything she and the party can do to help?  Esme brightens and invites Lois to the next cultist meeting in the Methuselah temple. Lois keenly accepts the invite. "Its tomorrow at 8pm - don't be late!"

The party discuss and decide that Lois and Tom will go to the meeting. They let Lois borrow the cloak. POP! oh oh, its a beautiful fit and looks great. Problem is, Lois can't take it off now. Ok, so not a problem for now but means Lois can't receive a heal. But as long as she stays away from weapons, nothing can hurt her right?

Lois and Tom arrive at 7.59.30 pm and Doreen the Priestess receives her at the door. "Bah, your timing is miles out. You are far too early". Lois observes the room is already full of the other guests. Wonder what kind of telling off they got as they were even further away from 8pm?
meeting
The cultists' meeting

The meeting went very well. Introductions made. Talks about the cult and what it stands for and the glory of the tentacled beasts that will rise to bless the world!

The party have vastly more knowledge on the mind flayers, eggs, spheres and goings on about the cultist 'gods'. Much discussion around the evil of the Throak family. Lois agrees wholeheartedly.

Lois and Tom find out that Thackery is the black man that went to Greybank with the stolen egg and the fake Throak barge. Lois thinks that a return visit to Greybank is not too far away.

Eventually Lois again offers to help and says that the party are all returning to Porn City shortly. Doreen suggests we catch up with a Lieutenant guard named 'Wilbur' who is a Thieves Guild insider for the cult that has infiltrated the Wizard Guild. They are planning to break into the Throak warehouse at night, when the guard is light, and take an egg or two. 

"Perhaps we can help?".

"Oh absolutely" oozes Lois. "I am sure we can assist Wilbur and help get an egg out"

Doreen and the cultists offer Lois and Tom a cultists neckless to wear. They thank them for the wonderful gift! The meeting ends and everyone says their goodbyes.

Back at the house a quick detect magic and the necklaces are indeed magic. 

"Like heck we are wearing those..." Lois and Tom state.


Cultist Identities discovered


  • Elisabeth Riley - Flaccid Barrel
  • Esme Wills - Town Guard (Corporal)
  • Ronald "Ron" Build - Town Guard (Corporal)
  • Doreen - Methuselah Priestess (excommunicated)
  • Amanda Dross - General Store Owner
  • Brit Hayley - Old lady, retired mage
  • Pedro the Tool - Merc in town. Been away 6-8 weeks.
  • David Puck - Assistant bar tender at the Golden Tourniquet
  • Thackery - Black man at Greybank
  • Wilbur - TG Lieutenant that has infiltrated the Wizard Guild 



Tuesday, August 18, 2026

Lois's Inheritance

 Present
  • Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
  • Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
  • Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
  • cody
    Cody Dieback
    Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
  • Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
  • Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
  • Willow. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
  • Lois Price. Human Female Wizard of Porn City – Ian
  • Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl

by Cody

We had arrived in Le Brun, a modest settlement of perhaps 350 souls, nestled at where the Broken River forked. The place boasted two establishments of note for travellers: the Golden Tourniquet, which sounded more like a medical procedure than an inn, and the Flaccid Barrel, which I shall refrain from commenting upon. There was also a Temple of Methuselah in town, for those inclined toward such timely devotions.

It was late in the day when Fat Willow suggested we ought to stake out Julius's cottage before approaching it. "How do we know someone isn't watching it?" he reasoned, which was uncharacteristically paranoid for him.

We secured three rooms at the Golden Tourniquet and made inquiries. They didn't know much, but Elizabeth Riley, who worked at the Flaccid Barrel, proved more forthcoming.

"We used to see Julius regularly," she told us over a pint of something questionable. "He kept to himself, mostly. He does have a servant, though I never met the fellow myself."

She mentioned others in town: Esme Wills, Sergeant of the town guard, and Captain Terrence who commanded them.

"We noticed there was a Methuselah temple here," I piped up, ever curious about religious establishments.

"Yes indeed," Elizabeth nodded. "Priestess Doreen Smythe runs that." 

She then gave us directions to Julius's cottage, a modest property on the outskirts of town.

Julius's Cottage
Before we could retire for the evening, Munch was sent out to scout the property. He slipped away into the gathering darkness, returning an hour later with his report.

"Surroundin' the ground'sa low stone wall," he whispered, though we were in the privacy of our inn room. "Single-storey cottage wiv a garden, stables, driveway, an' dog kennels. There's a light on. Property's surrounded by trees. No one's spyin'"

We decided to approach properly the next morning. At the gate, several dogs barked ferociously until we heard a whistle that sent them packing.

Ugly-unt
A servant greeted us at the door. He was enormous—six foot seven at least—and profoundly ugly, with a face like a wrinkled prune that had been stepped on - repeatedly. Indeed, he made even me look handsome by comparison, which is no small feat.

"Been expecting you, Bunning," he said, looking directly at Lois.

"No, I am Lois," Lois corrected indignantly.

"Yeah, Lois Price guaranteed," the servant chuckled. "An in-joke the master and I used to have about you."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Ugly-unt," he replied, "with a silent 'c' in the middle.  Lois is here to take master's place, which is wonderful."

Inside, the cottage was modest but well-appointed. And there, above the fireplace, hung a painting of Lois - stepping out of the shower. Beside it, her mother—sister to Julius, though one would never guess from the family resemblance.

Ugly-unt served us tea with mechanical precision. "Julius told me he would be leaving this place to you," he explained to Lois. "So I was expecting you."

The cottage consisted of a main room, bedroom, study, kitchen, and cellar. We began our search in the study. 

No magical traps upon the desk. In one drawer, we discovered a bag of gems, three vials (magic), and a small knife likewise enchanted.

"Finders keepers," Munch muttered, though we agreed to divide the spoils later.

meat
Unnatural meat
Down in the cellar, behind racks of wine, we discovered a secret door leading to some tunnels. What we found there turned the delicate stomach: carcasses hanging from hooks—sheep, pigs, cattle-beasts, but also humanoid creatures. The cuts were unusual, professional but ... wrong. And among them, at the back, gnoll carcasses and ... human bodies too.

"We should check if Ugly-unt is serving us lunch," Tom noted darkly.

True to Tom's prediction, lunch was sweetbreads in a roux sauce—a strong, gamey meat that I pushed around my plate with mounting suspicion.

When he was out of earshot, we came to the conclusion that Ugly-unt was not a man at all, but some form of construct.

"No I'm not!" came a shout from the kitchen.

Either he has good ears, or he can read thoughts.

From the meat cellar, more tunnels extended further through another secret door. 

We found big tables covered with metal pieces, dark stains on the floor, and—most alarmingly—a communication device similar to the "book" we had found in Porn City.

There was also a mini-crossbow with a tiny metal pipe for the bolts, with a pistol grip, which Ezme immediately claimed.

The tunnel led to a circular room with a three-metre hole in the floor. Above, the ceiling showed where a hole had been filled in with dirt. Down the hole was a very smooth shaft, clearly not of natural construction.

A set of double doors stood barred from this side. Beyond, we could hear something large moving about. It bashed against the barred door with considerable force.

"Best you don't open that door!" came a voice in our heads.

We followed another passage and eventually reached another metal sphere—just like the one beneath Porn City, complete with keypad and all.

Munch investigated the keypad. There was a code scratched on top: 9363303_0_

Suddenly, Lois clutched her head. "Don't come back upstairs," she heard Ugly-unt in her mind. "I'm giving him a walk."

Trying to remain calm, she thought back: "Ok."

"That's good," came the mental reply. "You can send Munch up if you want, though. He needs some food."

We heard noises upstairs—heavy footsteps, the clanking of chains.

Then, urgently in Lois's head: "Lois! Get out of the way. He's coming down. I can't control him!"

"Bugger," I muttered.

Munch, listening to the brain-boxes of the group, tried "3 3" on the push-button panel. The hatch clicked open.

all
All in 
We all scrambled inside the sphere and sealed the door behind us. No sooner had it closed than something massive landed upon it—two hundred kilograms of angry creature—preventing us from opening it again.

For the next hour, we occasionally tried the door. The creature remained stubbornly atop it, snuffling and scratching. So, nothing else to do, we searched the interior thoroughly.

Unlike the Porn City, sphere, the inside of this one had been stripped bare. Many drawers were missing, though the buttons and levers remained. Unlike the other sphere, nothing worked—the power seemed completely drained.

Eventually, the creature grew bored and wandered off.

"It's all right," came Ugly-unt's mental voice. "I got it. I've locked it up again."

We cautiously emerged and crept back down the tunnel. But the creature had not been locked up after all!

We met it in the tunnels—a thing of tentacles and malice. Yes, the same type of creature we had fought beneath Porn City, but this one fresh and whole. Rock and Tom, scouting out front, took one look at it and fled. They tumbled back down the steep tunnel, taking damage from the fall. [2D6 each]

squeal
It squealed
Then the creature arrived. And it SQUEALED.

The sound pierced our minds like needles. Munch, Rock, Esme, Jack, and I collapsed, clutching our heads as the psychic assault overwhelmed us. [Failed saving throws against Arcane magic]

The fight was joined.

Willow had the Wand of Major Cures, so he used the last two charges to bring Jack and Rock up.

Ardern attempted to cast a Major Cure to bring Esme up and fumbled spectacularly—everyone in the vicinity took damage from the magical backlash except herself. [Ardern rolled a 20: 2D4 damage to all within 3 metres] Luckily, she succeeded the next round.

fight
Mighty blows
It was a desperate battle. Esme and Tom struck mighty blows in the first two rounds, nearly slaying the beast immediately. But the creature rallied, and its tentacles were deadly. Tom was dropped, then criticalled by a tentacle strike that would have killed a lesser man. [Tom spent 3 Luck to reduce damage.]

Esme was dropped next. Jack took a critical hit that sent him reeling. Rock, lacking a magical weapon, could only watch until I cast Enchant Weapon upon his blade, allowing him to harm the creature. [Enchant Weapon, making Rock's sword +2 ]

Even that was not enough—Rock soon fell unconscious.

In desperation, as the creature turned its attention to the fallen, I cast Cone of Cold. The blast of freezing air engulfed the creature, and with a final shudder, it collapsed, frozen and dead.

Silence fell over the tunnel, broken only by our ragged breathing.

Then, in all our minds, a voice—Ugly-unt's, but broken and despairing: "What have you done?"

From up the tunnel came wailing. Terrible, mournful wailing.

And we knew this was not over.