Tuesday, June 30, 2026

Unnatural Acts in Greybank

Present
  • Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
  • Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
  • Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
  • MARMALADING: Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
  • MARMALADING: Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
  • MARMALADING: Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
  • Willow. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
  • Kippy Hunt. Human Male Barbarian of the Central Plains – Ian
  • Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl

by Jamie/Jack

Ardern, Ezme and Rock continued to marmalade quietly in the corner.

I sailed the barge up the Porn River. We got word from the Poncho and Cap Inn that a badly-steered barge had passed by a few days ago. 

horsie
We reached the township of Bodkin coming on dusk. We stayed at the Bodkins Rest. I talked to the dock workers and heard that the barge had passed through a couple of days earlier. The dockers had noticed a strange fog around the barge. We tried to get a (barge draught) horse from the dockers but there was none for hire. Lois went up to a farm house and managed to buy a couple of horses from a farmer. They were the oddest looking creatures you have ever seen. I am sure that ‘orses were supposed to have 4 legs. I suspect that they had been intended for the knackers yard. Still, somehow they did the job. 

We passed another small village called Pestard. Same story. A barge passed through three days earlier. We decided we needed to press on so we decided to keep the barge going into the late evening.

Late at night we reached Wittenburg and decided to stop there.

The following morning we set off and reach Thrumming Brook. Some dark fellow had gotten off the barge and gone into to town. He returned after a couple of hours. Lois and I went down to the only pub to see if he had visited, the Swillers Ditch Inn. The inn keep hadn’t seen anyone so we went to the general shop. No luck. We went on to the apothecary. Orin at the apothecary lied about not seeing him. He said he worked for the Throaks and was involved in trying to working out what was infecting people. I don’t right know if that were true but he was clearly hiding something. 

We pushed on and a little before dark we pulled in to a place where barges occasionally pull up. We camped for the night. It pissed rain but was otherwise a quiet night. In the morning we headed up river toward Greybank. The river was quite tricky and I had to steer the barge through some shallows. We noticed straight away that there was a Throak barge tied up. Knock me down with a feather, Lois immediately noticed that the Throak crest on the boat was a forgery. We paid off some dockers and they confirmed that the barge had docked two days ago and that the cargo had been transferred onto a cart and headed into town. Some of the group headed into town. Munch said that the Jamiesons and the Shis are the big families in town.

cup
Willow's Cup
The group decided to stay at the Willow’s Cup. Marjorie Till was the owner and she was very friendly. Told us that the horse and cart had been seen heading through town but hadn’t seen it herself. She told us to go to the Unicorn and Vibrator and talk with Mistress Foss. The man with the cart had stopped here and his driver went to the Methuselah temple (Time). The Methuselah temple is run by Horatio Shi. Willow’s Cup was real nice and we didn’t even get food poisoning. I had a great sleep and felt much better the following morning.

We headed down to the Methuselah temple. Horatio was polite but unhelpful. I went outside and I saw tracks and a what looked like a heavy horse but it could have been a sheep. I had a look in the stable and there was a cart and horses but not the ones we were looking for. Munch snuck into the back room to see if there was aught there. There wasn’t. Horatio politely told us to leave. He told us that he had a meeting in 24.16 minutes and he headed off on a cart and buggy. Willow followed as a starling. Horatio went up a side lane and then turned up a drive that had a Shi crest on the gate. He was greeted by a woman, who Willow thought was his wife.

vibe
Unicorn & Vibrator
We wandered into town arguing. A variety of not very sensible ideas were discussed. The ability of dogs to see through invisibility was discussed in detail. I wandered down to the docks and asked about the driver. The dock workers were friendly but they couldn’t remember the other driver of the cart. We went back to Mistress Foss’ at the Unicorn and Vibrator to ask about the driver. 

Lois and I went back to the Willow’s Cup and asked Marjorie about whether anyone had recently arrived in town. No one had but she told us that the Shis had had financial problems ten years ago. Then they came into money. They are also quite aloof.

It all adds up. The Shis must be involved in whatever is going on. The following evening we headed towards the Shi estate and sent Willow as an owl, in to have a look. Willow’s owl peaked into the stable. The large black horse from the barge was there. Willow took position in a tree to observe things. 

egg
Willow got lucky
Then Willow got lucky. Two people, the one we were looking for came out (dark man with dreadlocks). The other was Horatio. They walked over to a copse and seven more people including our inn keeper (Marjorie) came out. They had hoods with distorted Methuselah masks. The egg was brought out of a warehouse and then hanged under a tree. They started chanting and the egg started to gradually crack. Willow was running out of time so he flew back. Munch snuck onto the grounds and watched the rest of the ceremony. The egg was clearly being worked on. It didn’t hatch tonight. The cultists had white fungus appearing on their masks.

As the ceremony finished Munch ran back to the group. We made our way back to the inn. The inn run by an unnatural cultist. We decided to wait till morning and then lie to Marjorie to tell her that we had given up and were going back to Porn City. She semi tried to dissuade us from leaving but we highlighted that we thought that the cart and its cargo was probably long gone. To keep up with the ruse, we headed down to the dock and sailed off.

Two hours downstream we docked and hid the barge under some willow trees. We then argued again about what we should do. Munch suggested running away and letting the egg hatch. 

"Not our problem," he said. 

Tom, Cody and I felt that we had to do something before the egg hatched. 


Tuesday, June 23, 2026

Off on an Egg Hunt

  • Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
  • Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
  • Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
  • Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
  • MARMALADING: Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
  • MARMALADING: Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
  • Willow. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
  • Kippy Hunt. Human Male Barbarian of the Central Plains – Ian
  • Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl
map
 

Bleeding Jack


"What was that thing?" indeed.

Ezme gave a choked cry, and collapsed as only a buxom wench can. She lay on the ground, drooling marmalade.

All that was left of the sewer expeditionary force, conscious, was now Cody and Tom.

Kippy and Munch were watching the pods on the docks, else watching the party's new barge. Fat Willow was in the Druids' Grove. Rock Hammer and Ardern were still suffering Chronic Marmalade tucked in safely in the inn.

"I suggest we execute a tactical withdraw," voiced Cody. Tom readily agreed.

Tom hefted the unconscious Jack - his ears still bleeding - onto his massive shoulders. Cody busied himself bundling up the marmalading Ezme so that she could be carried (Marmaladers were now almost weightless. This was a recent side-effect that the group discovered, so it made the hapless droolers easy to move.)

Tom and Cody made their way out of the sewers, and onto a street in a quiet part of town. It was 4 be'light, [3am] so the streets were empty. 

There were three bodies on the street near the exit manhole, dead, with a white fungus around their mouths.

"The Porn City Militia can handle these," Cody said.

Around the next corner, the four stumbled into a group of Militia. [ failed luck roll ]

"Halt!" came the cry from the Sergeant.

Cody clutched the limp Ezme in a lover's embrace, copping a good feel, and getting a good feed of marmalade from her open mouth. Tom stumbled about, dragging the bleeding Jack, as if drunk from a night of reveling.

"Evenin' officer," slurred Tom. "Jus..jus.. headin' home with me mates."

"Good eve-able cuntsta-ning" slurred Cody, his mouth spattered with Ezme's marmalade.

[Tom made a 1 Persuade roll - good success!]

The soldiers saluted. "On your way, citizens."

The four returned to the barge after an hour. Kippy and Munch had been left on watch while the others were down in the sewers. But the barge was unoccupied. There were signs of a fight: knocked over boxes, and a broken oar on the deck.

Munch returned - he had been on watch over the pod/egg storage. He reported that one of them had been lifted by derrick cranes and loaded into a barge. The barge then vanished into the mist, and Munch couldn't even tell if it went upstream (up the Porn river), or out to sea. The barges were not really ocean-going barges, so we suspected it was upstream.

Still no sign of Kippy.

At light, fat Willow arrived. His curing magic manages to fix Jack. Jack's last memory was when the creature screamed. 

Tom got cured too.

Lois Price
Lois Price
"I can still feed him to the pigs," offered Willow, helpfully.

Cody, rather low on magic, then went to the WG to get recharged. He connected with the patron, Julius McKraken who demanded a meeting.

"I have my Niece. Lois Price," said McKraken. "She is young and naive and I'd like her to join your group."

Cody looked the 28-year-old up and down. "Yeah, sure, sir."

So Lois joined the group. [This was Ian's new character to replace Kippy. ]

Tuesday, June 16, 2026

What was that thing?

 Present:

  • Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
  • Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
  • Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
  • Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
  • MARMALADING: Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
  • MARMALADING: Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
  • MARMALADING Willow. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
  • Kippy Hunt. Human Male Barbarian of the Central Plains – Ian
  • Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl
 
by Jeff

The Disruption

A year had passed since the Amelia debacle.

Grim had been volunteered to meet whatever fate Amelia had decided for him, Thespian had conveniently disappeared from the Porn City Wizards' Guild, and Cody had spent the intervening months being almost cheerful. Not good looking, obviously. Nothing that miraculous had occurred. But cheerful.

The news that his mother might still be alive, and that a beautiful ageless Red Witch had been seen at the Elessari Circle enclave in the Central Plains, had given Cody a new lease on life.

The rest of us had returned to our usual activities. Jack was back around the docks, Esme had returned to the warm embrace, and occasional other limbs, of Soixante Neuf, Ardern spent more than a little time in jail, Willow went back to burying people and making sure some stayed buried, Munch did whatever Munch did, and I was working the doors down at the dockside pubs, mostly the Swilling Monkey.

So, naturally, the Wizards' Guild decided we owed them another favour.

Cody called us together at the Green Pickle.

"Julius Cracken wants us to investigate something at the docks," Cody announced.

"Julius Cracken?" asked Jack.

"My new contact at the Guild," Cody replied. "Since Thespian vanished."

"Convenient," muttered Esme.

"Very," agreed Cody. "And don't bother asking about it. I tried. Stony silence."

Apparently there had been some form of "disruption" down at the docks. The Throak Militia had closed down a section of the port. No one in, no one out. A strange mist was swirling across the area, not thick enough to hide everything, but enough to make it bloody annoying if you were trying to see what was going on.

And, of course, the Wizards' Guild wanted facts.

Not opinions. Not guesses. Facts.

"Well then," said Jack, "we should go somewhere we can see the docks."

"The Swilling Monkey," I said. "I know the place."

"The Swilling Monkey?" asked Kippy.

"Near the docks. Just outside the closed area. And the beer's only half poison."

"Perfect," said Munch.

The Swilling Monkey


We relocated to the Swilling Monkey and took two rooms on the second floor overlooking the dock area.

From the windows we could just make out part of the wharf, though the drifting unnatural mist made everything shimmer and blur. A section of the docks had been covered in heavy tarpaulins. About ten metres by eight metres of canvas, with lumps and bumps underneath.

"Looks like a cheap brothel blanket," noted Jack.

"Smells better," said Esme.

Down in the tavern we found Joric Pike, a dock foreman, and Lisa Muir, one of the dredge workers, already well into their cups. Rumours were flying around. Something had been pulled up from the harbour floor during recent dredging. Something strange.

"Strange how?" asked Kippy.

Lisa shrugged. "Strange like everyone suddenly gets told to shut up, bugger off, and pretend they didn't see anything."

"Ah," said Munch. "Official strange."

Plan A was to sell our services to the militia as experienced investigators of the unknown and arcane.

This sounded plausible for approximately six seconds.

Tom and Esme presented themselves at the interdiction gate and spoke with Sergeant Latter. Esme smiled, breathed, stood in a certain way, and Sergeant Latter forgot whatever regulations he had previously believed in.

"Best speak to Captain Venn," he said, leading us through.

Unfortunately, Captain Venn was made of sterner stuff. Or dead wood. Hard to say.

Esme tried charm.

Venn remained unmoved.

I tried looking professional.

Venn remained unmoved.

We were given the short shrift, marched back to the gate, and ejected. The captain's tent was not even close enough to the covered area to give us a decent look.

"Well," said Esme, "that went well."

"Plan B?" asked Jack.

Eyes Over the Docks


Plan B was Cody casting Wizard Eye.

This actually worked, which made a refreshing change.

Cody sat in one of the upstairs rooms at the Swilling Monkey and sent his invisible peeping magic across the closed dock area.

"There are six militia roving patrols," he reported, his eyes unfocused and unpleasant. "Three guards at the single entrance. Three more on the dredge out in the harbour. Dock workers are tying large rope nets. Thick rope. Mesh about two and a half metres."

"What are the nets for?" asked Kippy.

"Wrapping something big," Cody said.

He frowned.

"The perimeter fence has a magical shimmer."

"Alarm?" asked Esme.

"Likely."

"Or?" asked Munch.

"Death trap," Cody grinned.

That night we rested up and prepared Plan C. Jack would undertake a swimming incursion from his Aquamarina temple, which was not far outside the closed zone, but on the far side of the harbour from the Swilling Monkey.

Nothing disturbed us overnight.

The next morning the tarpaulins had changed.

There were now six items, roughly circular, about two and a half metres across, each wrapped in tarpaulin, then wrapped in the thick rope nets we had seen the previous night. They hung about three metres above the wharf from a large derrick.

"Those things could easily be loaded onto a barge now," noted Jack.

Beneath one of the suspended objects was a smaller tarpaulin thrown over something on the ground. Something protruded from underneath it.

"Is that a leg?" asked Kippy.

It looked very much like a leg.

The Priest of Super Fosfait


Jack headed off to his temple, saying he would also hire a barge for the next few days before going for his swim.

Munch set himself up in our room to keep watch on the gate and the docks. The rest of us stayed downstairs, drinking carefully, listening to rumours, and trying not to start fights. Or finish them.

Jack returned later and reported that there were two militia guards under the wharves. They were well positioned to watch below, but not particularly attentive.

"Easy enough to get around," he said.

"Everything is easy enough until something bites your face off," said Cody.

Soon after, Munch spotted a commotion at the interdiction gate. A priest of Super Fosfait, accompanied by a temple guard, arrived and was admitted.

Cody attempted Wizard Eye again.

Nothing.

Then he attempted it again.

Still nothing.

"How many times can you do that?" asked Kippy.

"Currently?" Cody snapped. "None."

[Spell failures still use the magic-point cost of the spell, so Cody had managed to exhaust himself magically without achieving anything. This is known in professional wizarding circles as "being Cody".]

From the tavern we saw the Super Fosfait priest inspect the hanging objects, look at the covered body, and disappear into one of the warehouses for a while. A few hours later he and his guard left.

Kippy followed them back to the Super Fosfait temple.

This did not feel like a coincidence.

Night Watch


That night the party split up.

Most of us slept on Jack's hired barge. Munch stayed in the upstairs room at the Swilling Monkey, watching the dock area. With his Night Vision talent, he was easily the best choice for the job, and also the least likely to get bored and wander off to steal something. Probably.

The hanging objects were well lit by militia lamps. Munch noticed that one of them had a large tub below it. A slit had been cut through the tarpaulin and something was slowly dripping down into the tub.

"Yuk," Munch thought.

Later a horse and cart arrived at the gate and was let through. Munch watched as three bodies were loaded onto it: the one from under the tarpaulin and two more from one of the warehouses.

The cart left.

Munch followed.

"To Super Fosfait," he figured.

Sure enough, the cart went straight to the temple stables. Creeping through the shadows, Munch watched three men come out the rear of the temple with stretchers. The bodies were loaded and carried inside through the rear door.

"Very interesting," he mused.

Very interesting indeed.

He decided not to break into the temple by himself, which showed an unusual degree of restraint, then returned to the Swilling Monkey to continue his watch.

The rest of us slept peacefully on the barge, achieving nothing, though Cody at least recovered some of his magic points.

The Egg


Sometime before dawn, a sudden movement snapped Munch out of a light doze.

One of the hanging objects was thrashing.

It swung wildly on its chains, shuddering back and forth above the tub. The movement grew more violent until the whole thing tore free, crashed down onto the tub, then rolled aside.

Munch lurched to the window.

The tarpaulin-wrapped thing continued to convulse on the ground.

Militia rushed in, weapons drawn. Then the tarpaulin ripped open and something emerged.

It was a slender bipedal creature, eight or nine feet tall, with dark mauve rubbery skin covered in glistening slime. Its head bulged like an octopus. Tentacles thrashed around its mouth, two of them longer than the others, lined with tooth-like barbs.

Munch leaned closer.

"What is that thing?" he wondered.

One of the approaching guards suddenly dropped to the ground, yards from the creature.

The thing turned, raced for the wharf, and went over the side into the ocean.

In the torn tarpaulin Munch could just make out a large black sphere, cracked open.

"Like an egg," he concluded.

Facts


In the morning Munch reported everything, then took himself off to bed.

Kippy took over the watch while the rest of us argued.

"Sounds like a greater Mind Flayer," said Cody. "That, or a Stranger Things demogorgon."

There was a brief silence.

"Not good?" asked Jack.

"Not good," said Cody.

Cody headed to the Wizards' Guild to report to Julius Cracken.

He returned later, unimpressed.

"He wants a sample of the egg material," Cody said. "And he wants us to follow and locate the creature."

"Into the sea?" asked Esme.

"Maybe sewers," said Cody.

"What did he say about the creature killing a guard and escaping?" asked Kippy.

"He said he needed facts."

"Those were facts," said Jack.

"That is what I told him," Cody replied. "Except with more shouting."

Around midday we heard rumours of deaths nearby, just outside the interdiction zone. Leaving Kippy watching the docks and Munch asleep, the rest of us went to investigate.

The Bodies


A street one block away had been closed by two guards. Three bodies lay on the road near a sewer manhole. Two looked uninjured. The third had a nasty slash across his face.

Esme distracted the guards.

This was not difficult.

The rest of us slipped close enough to see more.

Cody noticed a white powdery fungal growth around the bodies' facial orifices. Jack spotted the sewer manhole lid was slightly open. There were tracks leading to it.

Large tracks.

"About twelve inches," Jack said. "Three toes."

Cody took samples of the white powder and sticky slime from the wound.

Then I saw movement.

"Hey, something moved in that guy's mouth."

Cody leapt back with admirable speed for someone who usually moved like a sack of diseased potatoes.

We told the guards they should be careful and keep everyone away from the bodies. There might be dangerous creatures breeding inside them.

That was when Cody noticed one of the guards had a dusting of the same white powder around his nose.

Lovely.

I offered to help keep the gathering crowd back, and the clear guard ran off to report. The infected guard stayed near the body while I used my Intimidate skill to keep people away.

"Back off," I growled. "Unless you want whatever is in his mouth crawling into yours."

That worked.

Jack headed off to the small local church of REAL, which seemed the best available option for parasite infection, given there was no Panadine church handy.

About an hour later a large squad of militia arrived, led by a very officious female colonel, who shooed everyone away and enlarged the quarantine zone.

This included all of us.

Except Jack, who was still at the church of REAL.

Typical.

We retreated back to the Swilling Monkey and gathered in the rooms with Munch and Kippy. Esme cast Detect Disease to make sure we were all safe.

All clear.

From disease, at least.

Cody peered at his sample.

Something moved inside it.

"What is that thing?" he wondered.

Into the Sewers


That night Munch and Cody snuck through the expanded interdiction line to report to the Wizards' Guild.

They returned with Julius' instruction.

"Follow that thing into the sewers."

"Of course," said Esme. "Because why wouldn't we?"

The next day we prepared for a sewer excursion. Munch arranged through his underworld contacts for a sewer map to be delivered that night. Kippy watched the docks.

During the day Kippy saw two barges arrive, each with space to carry two of the tarpaulin-wrapped egg things. But the eggs were not loaded. They remained hanging from the derrick, surrounded by militia.

That evening we collected the sewer map and formed the excursion team: Cody, Jack, Esme and me.

Munch or Kippy would keep watch on the docks while the other rested.

The four of us made our way to a sewer access some distance from where the creature had entered. We climbed down, and I pulled the hatch shut behind us with a dull thud.

Cody conjured a light and led the way. I followed immediately behind, with Jack and Esme bringing up the rear.

The sewers were exactly as pleasant as expected.

The stench was foul. The splashing and dripping drowned out most other noises. Munch's map was useful enough, and Cody led us through the tunnels, past where the creature had entered, and onwards into the darkness.

After about an hour the tunnel opened into a larger drainage hub. A bigger tunnel continued out the far side.

"What is that thing?" asked Esme.

There was a hump on the floor off to one side.

It was a dead dog, with a large vicious bite wound in its side.

"Best keep clear," said Cody.

For once, nobody argued.

We bypassed the dog and continued.

Further along we found a side passage to the left. It sat slightly higher than the main tunnel. The floor was dry and dusty, and a faint breeze blew towards us from within.

We followed it.

Before long we found a fresh rockfall blocking the passage. Air wafted through small holes near the top.

"This looks fresh," I said. "Let's dig."

It took an hour to clear enough space to pass through.

Beyond the rockfall was another hub chamber, smaller than the first. A shaft rose up to an open manhole above, and the floor of the chamber looked as though it had been ripped open to expose more tunnels below.

Meanwhile


Meanwhile, back at the Swilling Monkey, Munch watched as one of the egg pods was finally loaded onto a barge. A small militia crew lowered and secured it in the centre of the deck.

The barge slipped away from the dock.

No lights.

No noise.

Just silently sliding into the night.

Munch abandoned his watch, slipped through the interdiction line, and made his way to our own barge to see if anyone was back there.

No one was.

Because we were in the sewer.

Obviously.

The Thing Below


Back below the city, we dropped through the torn floor into the space beneath.

Almost immediately, a piercing squeal came from the dark.

Something huge charged us.

I was looking the wrong way and did not see it coming for my back. Jack did. He stepped into its path and braced himself.

The thing hit us like a nightmare with limbs.

Cody spat Magic Missiles, one each round. Jack struck it cleanly, doing a decent hit.

Then the air twisted.

We all had to save against Arcane magic.

Everyone succeeded except Jack.

He collapsed unconscious, blood trickling from his ears.

"Jack!" yelled Esme.

I stepped forward.

The creature came at me through a swirl of tentacles. I swung my club and connected heavily. Then I used my Heavy Hitter talent, turning the backswing into extra punishment.

It felt good.

For about a second.

Then I hit it again, harder. A perfect blow. Right into its arm.

[Critical hit. Rolled a 1 on the d20 attack roll.]

And that was when I realized the bastard thing did not seem to care.

"Must need a stupid magic weapon to hit," I figured.

I did not have one.

The creature ignored me and turned towards Esme.

That was not happening.

I shoved myself into its path, using Dodge to make myself harder to hit.

It hit me anyway.

The blow smashed into me and sent me sprawling backwards across the chamber floor. Pain flared through my ribs and shoulder.

[13 damage in one blow. Another like that would probably have finished Tom.]

I lay there groaning, not dead, but giving the idea serious consideration.

Fortunately, Cody's Magic Missiles were doing something. The creature recoiled, reassessed whatever passed for tactics in its hideous head, and lumbered off into the dark.

Esme rushed over and cast Healing.

Jack still lay unconscious, blood at his ears.

Cody watched the creature vanish into the darkness.

"What was that thing?" he wondered.