See, I'm not a Gnome!

 The crew: Bear [Ian], Debbie [Steven], Dexter [Jamie], Myrtle [Andrew], Oliver [Jeff], Ouzo [Darryl], Scuttle [Chris], with two marmalading back at the Bestial Maid Inn (Gillard [Kevin], Tu [Shane]).

[Steven has noted that he will be late, so Debbie is marmalading too, but is tagging along with the rest of us like a very attractive zombie.]

“So” questioned Dexter, “what’s next for us?”

There were a handful of leads/tasks that we could follow up on. So, a brief discussion ensued …

What Oliver imagines in the swamp!

“Kill Zarbo” stated Scuttle.
“Find those bastards that raided the REAL Temple in Penstoke” added Myrtle.
“Back to Grezbo and take the job clearing the swamp” proposed Oliver.
“What about that mansion I saw, in my dream … thing?” questioned Ouzo.
“And there is always that art recovery job in the red zone” noted Bear.

We decided to explore the caved in passage that branched off from the tunnel between the dead wolves’ cave and the burnt-out Slavers Lookout. 

It was the closest to where we were all hiding out (in the dead wolves’ cave) and did not involve the risk of wandering around Toluene.

“She won’t be needing this” noted Scuttle, pulling Gillard’s magic short sword from her gear.

Bear tied a rope around Scuttle and sent him off through the small opening at the top of the cave-in. After checking out the passage on the over side of the cave-in (well, at least to the end of the sixty-foot length of rope) he reported that it was all clear over there and we could safely enlarge the opening through the rubble so that Bear could fit through.

“Might take us all day though” Scuttle muttered quietly.

We snuck into Toluene to purchase some equipment, a wheelbarrow, pick, and a few shovels. The tools were artfully hidden beneath a pile of fresh vegetables so as not to arouse suspicion.
Bear did most of the work, Myrtle supervised, while Ouzo, Scuttle, and Oliver kept a watch on the side tunnel entrance in case anybody, or anything, came looking. Debbie played her lute in the dark.

“So, why’s your arm all black?” asked Scuttle, poking Oliver’s arm with his finger.

“Ouch” yelled Oliver jumping back, “that frigging hurt”
“You must be changing into a Gnome I reckon” Scuttle stated, nodding his head wisely.
“I’m not turning into a Gnome!” refuted Oliver, “Don’t be ridiculous”
“Yeah, Gnomes live underground and are quite black” noted Scuttle sagely.

After a lot of hard work, Bear’s voice echoed down the tunnel, politely requesting our return as he thought the passage was clear enough to get through.

“Right f’n now!” he barked.

We all gathered at the near side of the cave-in and peered at his excavation efforts. Rubble had been pulled down from the top of the pile and was stacked up back along the tunnel. A few timbers had been wedged in to prevent further collapse. The opening looked to be about four feet high and four feet wide, enough for Bear to squeeze snuggly through.

“What do you think?” asked Bear proudly.
“You should ask the Gnome” stated Scuttle, waving at Oliver.
“I … am … not … a … Gnome!” stated Oliver.
“Sorry” replied Scuttle, “the half Gnome!”
“Ok, ok, let’s go” interrupted Myrtle.

We squeezed through (Bear squeezed through, Scuttle strode through) and continued along the passage on the other side. This was a continuation of the natural passage through the rock, wide enough to proceed two abreast, and it led off into the darkness ahead. We proceeded, Bear and Dexter in front, with our lantern light bobbing and flickering around us.

After about a hundred yards, the passage opened into a large cavern. Water dripped from the tips of a forest of stalactites that hung from the rock ceiling some ten yards overhead. There were no matching stalagmites below though, and the drips plopped down into a small lake that covered the floor of the cavern. There was a drop of around three feet down into the water, and we could see two other exits from the cavern, one off to our left and one to the right. Both were at a similar height above the water. Our lantern light created deep shadows in those two exits, shadows which bobbed and shifted strangely as we peered into the gloom.

“Is that … something?” asked Bear peering at the shadows.
“You should ask the half Gnome” replied Scuttle, waving at Oliver.
“I … am … not … a … half … Gnome!” stated Oliver.

Dexter leant down and poked his long sword into the water.

“Bah, it’s only knee deep” he confirmed, “Ahhh … neck deep for you Scuttle!”
“Squeeeeeaak” squeaked something from the watery darkness off to the left.

A cat-sized furry creature skittered off into the left-hand tunnel and disappeared.

We all dropped down into the water, Scuttle on Bear’s shoulders, and made our way through the water towards the left-hand exit. Ouzo hung back at the passage exit, an arrow nocked into his bow.  Dexter clambered up onto the ledge and peered into the gloom. Suddenly, he flung himself violently back off the ledge into the water and backed away from the ledge.

“Back” he screamed, “there are ..,. things!”

One of the many giant rats!

And like lemmings off a cliff, a mischief of giant-sized rats poured from the left-hand tunnel entrance and started swimming straight towards us. Simultaneously, another mischief of rats emerged from the right-hand tunnel entrance and also attacked.

Dexter and Bear manage to hold them off while Debbie, Oliver, and Myrtle clamber back up next to Ouzo, who has been losing arrows into the swarming mass.

“Toss the Halfling” yells Myrtle.

Bear tosses Scuttle from his shoulders onto the ledge, while Dexter swings wildly at the rats swarming towards us. Dexter and Bear manage to get back onto the ledge, closely followed by the rats as they swarm up the side of the ledge and overrun us. Bear finds it challenging to hit such small creatures, but they cannot seem to damage him. Dexter has no such problems hitting, although he is soon yelling in pain as a rat bites into his arm. Oliver even steps forward and brandishes his quarter staff, killing at least one rat.

Pretty soon there is a pile of dead rat bodies, and no living ones. Dexter’s arm is red and swollen so Myrtle casts her useful Slow Poison spell. Bear kicks the bodies down into the water, and we look back towards the left-hand exit passage.

“Only nine” notes Bear, “let’s go”

We tentatively climb back down into the water and splash our way past the rat bodies to the left-hand tunnel. Dexter climbs up onto the ledge again, and Bear hands Scuttle down from his shoulders. The tunnel from this point is man-made, hewn through the rock, and leads gently upwards. We move forwards into the dark.

There is a strange gloom that surrounds this tunnel. Our lanterns do not seem to illuminate as far down the tunnel as we would expect. The air seems too chill, and Oliver notes that his black arm is aching a lot more than normal.

“Let’s just check the other direction first” Oliver proposes.

Everybody backs up, climbs back down into the water, and heads back past where we first arrived, to the exit we saw to the right. Scuttle rides on Bear’s shoulders again. As we are passing the original passage, a cherry lute tune echo’s from inside that passage and Debbie leaps down into the water to join us.

“Sorry” she apologies, “just tuning my lute and didn’t notice you all wandering off”

The right-hand tunnel is also man-made, but there is no strange darkness and Oliver’s arm does not ache here. Bear lifts his shield and leads off into the tunnel. After about 25-30 yards the tunnel opens up into another damp cavern. There is one tunnel entrance on the far side, but the lake in this cavern is much deeper. More like six feet deep!

Scuttle puts his excellent climbing skills to use and clambers around the cavern walls to the far entrance. He pounds in a spike and lowers a rope from the tunnel entrance down into the waters below.

“In case you want to climb up here” he yells.
“ .. ere … ere … ere” echoes his yell, back and forwards around the cavern.
“The tunnel just seems to carry on, but slopes down” he yells.
“.. own … own … own”
“Ask the half Gnome which direction it’s going” he yells.
“.. ing … ing … ing”
“I’m not a bloody half Gnome” states Oliver loudly.
“.. ome … ome …ome”

We reverse direction again and head back to the “gloomy” left-hand tunnel. It slowly curves to the right, and we soon come to a left-hand branch, a short tunnel that immediately opens up into a small room sized chamber, all charred and burnt as though a large explosion had occurred. Nothing to see in there though so we carry on along the main passage. Then another burnt out chamber just off to the left again, definitely a man-made chamber, but not part of any mine workings. Portions of the roof have caved in, and shattered stone has collapsed and covered whatever was in there.

The main tunnel continued to curve round to the right, with a slight upward incline. After about 35 yards we find another branch off to the left. This time it is not a burnt-out chamber, but a natural opening in the rock, that leads off into the darkness. The air at this intersection is unnaturally chilly, and Oliver complains that his arm is now throbbing with pain. Dexter also complains that his arm is starting to feel swollen and itchy again.

“Yeah” notes Oliver checking his chronometer, “it’s been 57 minutes since that last spell of Myrtles”
“Oh” replies Myrtle, “time for another”

Myrtle casts her last spell, another Slow Poison for Dexter, and Oliver casts a Detect Magic in each of the two burnt out chambers we have passed. Nothing of interest. Then we rest up and re-learn our spells in the least damaged chamber. During the hour that this takes, Bear and Scuttle keep watch back down the tunnel in the direction we came from, while Dexter, Ouzo, and Debbie hang about at the chilly intersection to make sure nothing surprises from ahead.

“Oi” whispers Ouzo, “look at this here wall. I figure it must be a hidden door!”
“But it’s like an ice box back there. And the door is trapped to buggery!” he states.
“No hurry, let’s just wait for the others” Dexter suggests.

Once the group is rested and are all back together again, Myrtle casts the Slow Poison on Dexter, [Slow Poison only lasts one hour, and the spell relearning process takes Myrtle one hour, so she needs to keep her final spell of three in reserve to keep Dexter healthy while she relearns, then cast her first spell of the next three immediately upon waking, leaving only one other spell for adventuring use] and we gather round and poke and prod at the secret door. Myrtle points out the likely opening mechanism to Debbie, and everyone else backs off down the passage while Debbie triggers the mechanism.

A large door shaped panel of rock silently slides back and off to the side. These is a small puff of displaced air but no trap effect, and Debbie calls everyone back. The passage revealed is very short, maybe two feet, and then there is nothing but darkness. The light from our lanterns has no effect, there is just nothing but black. Pitch black, magical darkness black.

Oliver whimpers from the back “Ow, ow, ow. My arm is really hurting now, let’s not go in there”
“Don’t be such a baby Gnome” Scuttle comments to Oliver, “Let’s go”
“I … AM … NOT … A … BABY … GNOME!” Oliver yells.
“Shhhhh” whispers Dexter.

Myrtle picks up a stone, waves her arms about a bit, and gives the rock a little rub. “Let there be Light” she commands, and there is!

Bear leads the way, single file, into the chilling darkness with the Light stone in one hand. Myrtle is right behind, then the rest of us. Ouzo jambs the door mechanism, and Oliver reluctantly follows at the rear.

The passage runs straight on for about ten yards, then opens out into a roundish chamber carved into the rock. A single opening leads on from the opposite side, but everyone’s attention is on the centre of the chamber where thirteen wooden stools surround a low stone alter. The stools all have a heart carved into their seat, and each heart has a small carved scalpel stuck into its centre. The alter consists of a stone table, heavily scratched and stained, sloping at about ten degrees with shallow gutters carved down each side that curve inwards to a shallow depression at the lower end. A hole was carved down through the bottom of the depression, like a drain!

“Malechai” states Myrtle, “that explains a lot. I shall Desecrate this alter immediately”
[One of the key duties of the VINGT-ET-UN Priest is vigilance against priests of evil, thus Myrtle has a strong sense of duty to eradicate anything of MALECHAI, one of the prime evil gods of hatred]
“Um … my dagger is vibrating a bit” notes Oliver, “you better hurry”

Everybody swung around to peer towards the only other exit, but nothing except darkness can be seen, or heard.

Oliver cast a Detect Magic. The alter of course, and something else, out past the exit.

Myrtle holds off on her Desecration, and we move into combat formation and head towards the exit.

“Why am I the only one without a magic weapon?” Bear grumbles from the front.
“Hey, its made of silver. Can’t be all that bad” quips Dexter.

A short, darkened passage links the round chamber to a square one. Quite a lot smaller though, with a familiar symbol carved into the stone floor, and a definite gutter around the perimeter. This gutter is filled with a thick dark liquid smelling strongly of rusty metal! The symbol matches that we saw on the rear door of the Smugglers Lookout Inn.

A large shadowy masked figure in an old cloak, floats in the air on the far side of the room, but it quickly turns towards us and glides slowly forward, over the symbol on the floor, and straight towards us. Bear and Dexter bravely step forward, across the blood moat, and raise their weapons. Debbie strikes up a jaunty tune on her lute, and Myrtle unsuccessfully casts a Turn Undead spell. [We mis-counted Myrtle’s spells and managed to sneak in an extra one before casting the Slow Poison for Dexter. Perhaps the Gods were sleeping, or perhaps Myrtle was just Lucky] Oliver’s arm becomes so painful it delivers a point of damage, so he, Ouzo, and Scuttle pull back to the round chamber, leaving the fighters to fight.

“Of course they’ll be fine, don’t be worrying your wee Gnome head about it” scoffs Scuttle.
“Oh, for F’s sake” mutters Oliver, shaking his head.

Bear swings his silver long sword, but it drifts right through the creature, unlike Dexter’s +1 long sword which connects with a satisfactory thud, dealing 3 points of damage. The shadowy arm swings out towards Bear, and fortunately glances just over his head.

“Stuff this” Bear yells, “get out. Now”

They manage to disengage from the creature [successful initiative roll for the next combat round] and we all scarper off up the passage and out the secret door into the original curving tunnel. Ouzo kicks out his wedge from below the door and it swiftly and silently closes. Oliver’s dagger stops vibrating, and we all relax, a little.

The main tunnel curved around to the right, so we follow this, soon passing another burnt out stone chamber on the left and then it opened up into a flooded room. A rope fastened to a steel spike in the wall dropped down into the murky water below.

“Oh” notes Myrtle, “we have closed the loop. It is a ring!”
“What do you make of these stools?” asks Scuttle, brandishing one of the wooden stools from the alter room, “they seem pretty sturdy”

Myrtle nearly blows a fufu and insists that it be destroyed immediately. Despite Scuttle’s initial reluctance, he eventually lets Ouzo have a crack at. Ouzo’s sword just bounces off the legs, without even making a mark. Bear has a go, and despite his mighty two‑handed axe smacking it sweetly across the seat, there is barely a dent on it.

“Ok, OK, losers” mutters Scuttle, “I nicked it, I’ll take care of it”

Scuttle carries it back to one of the burnt out chambers and starts up a little fire. The stool catches alight and is soon merrily crackling and popping. We gather round and watch it burn, a greasy smoke boiling off the wood and up to the roof of the chamber, as it slowly crumbles to ash.

Oliver points out that it’s been nearly an hour since the last Slow Poison was cast on Dexter, so Myrtle casts her third and final spell, Slow Poison, then curls up for an hour of rest and relearning. Oliver takes the opportunity to do the same with his spells, while the rest of the party discuss the merits of three‑legged stools. Bear stands watch.

After the hour, Dexter notes that his arm is feeling a lot better but is still very stiff and swollen. Myrtle casts another Slow Poison, and Oliver notes the time on his Wizards’ chronometer.

Myrtle insists that we return to the alter chamber and Desecrate the alter. She notes that there is some risk, but that she is very Lucky so not to worry. Everyone looks nervously around but we all agree to head back. We get back to the alter chamber without incident, although Oliver insisted that he was not going past the secret door and would “stand guard” there for them.

Everyone waits cautiously in the passage just outside the chamber while Myrtle bravely steps forward, past the twelve stools and rolls her dice onto the alter.[Dice are the Holy Symbol of VINGT-ET-UN and act as a form of material component for spells such as this one, Desecrate]

“BOOM”

A large boom echoes around the chamber, closely followed by a sharp cracking sound.

In line with the prearranged plan, everyone rushes into the room, grabs two of the stools, and then hastily retreats back to our burnt-out resting chamber. A small bonfire is ignited, and pretty soon all of the original thirteen stools are smoke. Greasy black smoke, that fills the upper half of the chamber and causes us to  hurriedly leave, coughing and spluttering.

“They’ll hate us now” chuckles Bear.

We head off down the last unexplored passage, which leads downwards from opposite the secret door. It is a narrow and natural stone passage which winds downwards for hundreds of yards. Just before it got too narrow for Bear to squeeze through, it opened out into what is obviously the old, abandoned coal mine workings. These were certainly the seventy-eighty-year-old coal workings that were located outside of the town. The shoring timbers looked ancient and fragile, and there were creaks and groans  that occasionally echoed back from the darkness.

“Hey” exclaimed Oliver, “my arm isn’t black or sore now! See Scuttle, not a Gnome!”

And it was true. Myrtle checked Oliver’s arm carefully and confirmed that the strange blackness was totally gone. She claimed that her amazing Desecration spell had affected a miracle!

We decide that travelling back through the passage we had just squeezed down was going to be a lot safer than wandering around in an unstable ancient mine, so we make our way back up the squeeze, around the ring tunnel, through the water cavern, and back to the wolf’s cave. Myrtle casts her final Slow Poison, and we all settle down for a decent night’s rest. Bear keeps first watch. Dexter’s poisoning seems to have run its course and the regular spells are fortunately no longer required.

Next morning, we are discussing what next when Scuttle makes a discovery.

“Hey Gnome” he says to Oliver, “check that transformation”

Oliver’s arm is black again!

Myrtle deduces that someone has re-consecrated the alter to MALECHAI, and that we have to return to the alter chamber and have another go. And that there is a definite link between Oliver’s arm, the dagger, and MALECHAI.

So, we repeat the whole trip. Back to the secret door, a Light spell, into the alter chamber where the alter is definitely consecrated, a Desecrate spell, a large BOOM, Oliver’s arm is no longer black, and we retreat to one of the (not smoky) burnt out chambers.

One and a half hours later, Oliver’s arm is black, and the alter is consecrated again.

“I guess my spell isn’t as powerful as whoever consecrated this alter” surmises Myrtle.
“Gnome” states Scuttle.
“I … am … not … an … f’n … Gnome!” contradicts Oliver.

We make our way back to the wolf cave, and Myrtle tells us that she needs to report all of this to the REAL Temple back in town. Dexter and Myrtle immediately head off into town while the rest of us rest and discuss the woes of the world. Bear stands guard.

Myrtle meets up with Pit the Procrastinator, a REAL Priest of the fifth level who is on duty at the Temple. [The REAL Temple in Toluene is home to a “retired” REAL Priest of the twenty‑sixth level, named Allistair Katala, who has established one of the more powerful REAL Temples in the Known World. He and his second, Brian Crab of the twelfth level, have around twenty Priests and a goodly number of Paladins resident in Toluene]

After Myrtle had lectured piously at the stunned Pit regarding the presence of a MALECHAI Temple beneath their very city, and how the Balance is swaying towards evil in their very vicinity, and that despite her very own best efforts to Desecrate the alter and cleanse the filth from their stronghold, that she, as only a Priest of the first level, was unable to do so and thus it fell to the local Temple to make a stand and do their duty to REAL, immediately, she spun on her heel and marched out of the Temple, leaving Pit staring wordlessly after her.

“That ought to do it” she told Dexter as they made their way back to the wolf cave.

We had a quiet night, and the next morning Oliver’s arm was no longer black. His dagger had also taken on a slightly different appearance and felt more “normal.”

We made our way back through the tunnels to the secret door. Obviously not so secret anymore, it stood open and shattered. There was no coldness or magical darkness in the passage, in fact the brilliant shine of REAL’s light could be seen radiating up the passage from the direction of the alter chamber. We shaded our eyes and made our way into the chamber. The alter was blazing with REAL’s light and we skirted around it and into the adjacent square chamber.

The blood gutter was dry, burnt clean, although the symbol was still carved into the floor. We could now see a further exit from this room on the far side, so we crossed over the symbol in the floor and entered yet another circular chamber. At the far side of the room a ladder was fixed to the wall and led upwards into a tall round shaft. The walls of the whole chamber had been blated with Light and looked almost shiny. A tattered and crumpled old cloak was flattened against the wall beside the ladder, and what looked like the faint shadow of a skeletal head was etched into the stone above it.

“Wow” whispered Myrtle reverently.
“See” stated Oliver, “I’m not a Gnome!”

Scuttle shot up the ladder for a look but was soon back and reported that it was a one-hundred-foot climb to a securely locked and fastened steel trap door.

We again retreated back to the wolf cave, and then snuck back into town taking a few rooms at the Inn of the Bestial Maid.

Ouzo though he could try the trick with the REAL Temple and made his way there to report about Zarbo the Were‑creature and request the provisioning of magical weapons to assist him in hunting down and killing the foul evil creature. Pit the Procrastinator politely laughed him out of the Temple.

Later that night we take a brief outing to visit the house that Ouzo had tailed Zarbo the Were‑creature and his buddies to, before they left town, and our subsequent raid of the Slavers Lookout. The house sits right on the edge of the restricted zone, with the front door on the side of the street being the only “legal” access. If we tried to access the rear of the house we would be in the restricted zone, and liable to run into guard patrols. The front door was locked, and despite our best efforts with the lock picks, it took Bear to give it a decent shove before we could get it. Carefully checking the dark and silent street behind us, we slip into the house and push the door closed behind us.

The door opened into an old shoddy lounge area. On the left a door led into a smelly and dirty kitchen where a back door led out into the restricted zone behind the house, and where a wooden trapdoor beckoned from the centre of the room.

Ouzo checked for traps and confirmed there was none, and it was safe to open.
Bear grabbed the iron loop and gave a tug, before leaping back with a yelp. A rusty old needle had shot out and jabbed him in the fleshy skin between thumb and first finger. Which immediately began to redden and swell.

Slow poison casts Myrtle.

The trapdoor opens into a reeking chamber below the floor, more like a slaughter house, with blood and gore scattered about. A powerful stench of rotten flesh causes everyone to retch and step back. Bear grins and clambers down. He spots another door in the side wall of the basement, and steps over a body to take a look.

“Ouzo” he yells back up to us, “get your useless arse down here and check this door”

Ouzo clambers down, eyes watering from the stench, and has a good look at the door.
“No traps here” he confirms, “open it up”

Bear grabs the handle and gives it a good tug, before leaping back with a yelp. Another rusty old needle had shot out of the handle and jabbed him in the palm. Which immediately began to redden and swell. He staggered over to the ladder, kicking Ouzo on the way, and clambered woozily up into the kitchen where the rest of us waited.

Slow poison casts Myrtle.

“Umm” Myrtle notes, “that is two I have cast now, with only one spell left. We need to deal with this within an hour or I cannot guarantee your continued good health!”

Grumbling, Bear drops back into the basement and kicks open the door, revealing a short passage to yet another door, steel and sturdy this time.

“No way” he mutters, “what is this place, the House of Doors?”

We gather up the body and drag it up to the kitchen. It appears to be one of Zarbo’s buddies, Toby, and he has been repeatedly ripped open by some large and powerful creature.

The body is wearing studded leather armour and has a multitude of weapons still on it.

Detect Magic cats Myrtle.

The Long Sword and the studded leather armour! A quick look around the rest of the house indicates nothing else of interest, so only the steel door in the basement remains to investigate.

Before the Slow Poison spells expire, we hustle across to the REAL Temple and manage to buy some Neutralise Poison spells at the rich after-hours cost of four hundred pieces of gold, which are immediately cast on Bear. Then back to the Zarbo house where Bear storms down into the stinking basement, dragging Ouzo by the collar, and thrusts him at the next steel door.

“Check it” he commands.
“Nothing” grins Ouzo after a thorough study.

But this time, Debbie comes to the fore, and tries to pull on the large handle. Locked as tight as a drum! And then she leaps back with a yelp, a rusty needle snapped off in her wrist. Unlike Bear’s previous needle exploits, Debbie’s wrist does not redden or swell up. [Debbie easily makes her saving throw against poison and is unaffected]

“Unlock it” commands Bear.

Ouzo slips his nifty little picks into the lock and deftly manoeuvres them around.

“Snick” goes the pick, which has just snapped off in the lock.

Ouzo steps back sheepishly and Bear charges in with his shoulder in a fit of frustration. The frame shatters and the steel door swings open with a thud.

This is obviously their armoury. It is a small room, but chock full of all sorts of weapons artfully displayed on wooden racks around the four walls.

Detect Magic casts Oliver. Nothing!