Present:
- Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
- Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
- Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
- Grim Hand. Human Male Rogue from Porn City – Jason
- Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
- MARMALADING Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
- MARMALADING Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
- Willow Woods. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
- MARMALADING Kippy Hunt. Human Male Barbarian of the Central Plains – Ian
- MARMALADING Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl
by Andrew
The party had been on the Central Plains working for so-called Druid Ester, and had been sent to the Tower Autorock, one of the abandoned towers in the Porn City line of coast observation, to look for a magical spear. Beneath the tower they had found some suspicious recent foot-prints and followed them through an extensive tunnel system, and had passed through some one-way teleports. They were now not really sure where they were.
"Rainbow field passage"
Down a side tunnel, past a secret door, the passage was blocked by a glowing red field (Detect Magic revealed as such). Pushing a stick through the field burned it. No-one dared to put their hand through - yet.
Cody contemplated a Dispel Magic, but he was not too keen. [ Dispel magic is a third level spell, and it is an opposed skill. His skill value was not very high. ]
Down another passage was a locked door. Ezme tried to pick the lock and failed, so Grim tried, and he broke his pick off in the lock, hopelessly jammed [ 20 fumble ].
Cody and Jack were low on magic, so each ate some magic tree bark and passed out into comas for 11 hours [ the magic lone pine bark worked like holy wafer (for divine) and WG grapes (for arcane) - restores 2D4 magic points and takes 6+D6 hours ]. Nothing happened during that time.
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| But soft! What sound through yonder door murmurs? |
Fully refreshed now, Cody approached the troublesome door and used a Knock spell on it - and blew it open.
There was a small short passage behind, with the same dusty footprints they were following, which came to another door.
Ezme did a Detect Traps. The spell didn't quite go as planned [fumble!] and the noise of an air-horn went off - for a full minute. The whole group (and Ezme) quickly withdrew back behind the secret door to the passage with the red field - the argument being that the secret door would shield the air-horn noise.
This incident changed the mind of the party; they no-longer wanted to follow the dusty footprints path, and returned to the red field tunnel.
Jack bravely strode through the red field, and ZZZAPP!, got electrocuted [ 8 points ].
Grim, the duly appointed scout, went up ahead. Seventy paces on, there was an Orange field.
Cody volunteered and walked through this one. GZZZ-ZZZAAP! This was a bigger zap than the red one and it knocked him unconscious [ 13hp damage ]. Ezme and Jack brought him up again with magic cures.
Off went Grim again. Sixty or so paces later, a yellow field.
Tom's turn. A massive zap this time, but Tom managed to ground it [ made his Arcane save and took half damage of 8 hp ]
Off went Grim again. And now a green one.
This time the group heard footsteps coming the the passage beyond the green field - heavy boots and jingling armour. Retreat!
Cody cast Hide on Grim. [ Hide is our rules' version of Invisibility. It is a level 2 spell, and the recipient is only invisible if he does not move. The full moving-version is now level 3. ]
Two men in chainmail followed by a woman in velour passed Grim, as he wet himself.
The rest of the group retreated back to the original room past the secret door and set up an ambush in that room. [ In hindsight, I don't actually know what we were intending to achieve with the hiding of Grim. ]
The secret door opened a crack and a floating eyeball entered the room. Cody recognized the Wizard Eye spell - it meant she was a very powerful mage. Nevertheless, Cody cast Silence on the secret door. The fighters (Jack and Tom) would have to fight in silence, but at least it would stop her spells.
But when the Silence spell ceased almost immediately, it was not a good omen. [Dispel Magic would do this.]
Ania Tilly
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| Ania Tilly |
It was probably serendipitous that Cody recognized that name from his time in the Porn City Wizards' Guild. Had he not, and had the group fought, it would not have gone well.
"She's a Wizards' Guild nob," he hissed to the group. "Best we surrender."
Jack waved a white flag. The soldiers came through and disarmed everyone. No one put up any resistance.
"I recognize you," said Ania to Cody.
"Yes, miss," slurred Cody as he scratched a boil on his neck.
"Quite unforgettable. Junior mage. I heard you'd been exported from here."
"Our group got kidnapped by slavers. But we escaped."
"Why are you down here?"
"We tried to get back to Porn City, miss."
"You're in Porn City."
Pregnant pause.
"Oh! We did well, didn't we?!"
"How did you get here?"
"From the Snub, miss. The old PC lookout towers. The Annal passage, secret doors, one-way teleports, etc."
The whole group was marched back down the rainbow field passage. The invisible Grim wisely surrendered too. Then they were marched all the way to the Wizards' Guild cellars.
In the WG, they were all separated into cells, and questioned by the Ania's team. The party marmaladers were cleansed on the marmalade grille.
Cody did not hide anything back, and blabbed like a little tattle-tail bitch: all about the slaver trip to the Snub, the pirates, the islands, the Central Plains, the "druid" Ester and the Autorock tower, and the group they were following, and the magic spear, and all about his personal hygiene: giardia, lice, fleas, tape-worms, and hydatid cysts.
No-one else hid anything either.
A couple of days passed. All were cured and all magic points restored. Grim got special visit from a WG-hired Panadeine priestess; she cured his latent lycanthropy - a special ritual with mercury enemas and testicular injections of silver nitrate.
Ania Tilly brought the whole group into a meeting room.
"I want you to find that person with the spear," she said. "I don't care if he's dead or alive, but I want that spear. Find it. The payment for all this is your freedom."
The group hastily agreed.
"Another thing," she said. "That passage-way, with the dusty two-week-old footprints that you were following, before I found you, that passage comes out in the basement of a bordello in the city called The Golden Shower run by Broderick Vesper."
Ania returned all the party's gear and gave them 500gp to buy extra gear, and then released them onto the streets of Porn City.
As Ezme wryly pointed out, "this could have been far worse."
Currently, the annual two-week-long holiday was running, called Cirque de la Vicieux (Circus of the Depraved).
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| Flabbergasted Radish |
The long sword was +1 to hit. The dagger ignores armour.
Tom bought a big shield, and Jack got Tom's small shield.
Golden Shower
The newly-equipped group then headed to the Golden Shower - a two storey stone building near the Porn City docks - and went inside.
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| Ralph |
Tom hired a whore called Anne. Cody got whore Sara. Grim seduced Ethyl Aarvark.
Ezme spoke to Ralph, adam's apple and all. But Ralph knew nothing, despite offering money.
Tom successfully intimidated Anne.
"Something happened," she yelped. "A week ago there was a loud noise down stairs in the basement. Don't know what it was. Sounded like something out of a brass band. Couple of the boys went downstairs to check it out."
This was obviously when Ezme's spell failed with the loud air-horn sound.
Jack tried to persuade his girl Philomena but achieved nothing.
Cody's lack of hygiene managed to disgust his whore Sara. So she was consoled by Ezme, and she had a tale: "I saw something unusual a few weeks ago. A man came out of the basement. Looking disheveled. Upstairs. Had as spear head. Big gem. Big strawberry birthmark on his face. Tossed a bag to Ralph. Then bolted outside."
No one was brave enough to question Ralph again.
Magnus Digby
The party withdrew to the Flabbergasted Radish to plot and scheme.
Cody went to WG. Nothing there about anyone with such a distinctive birthmark.
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| Magnus Digby |
So, Grim disguised himself to be an alky. He got a room at the Hermitage. It was a ramshackle two-storey place, red velour curtains, an elderly woman proprietor behind the counter, fearsome Vera Duckworth. The bedrooms were upstairs, downstairs was the dining room, kitchen and ablutions.
She offered Grim private room number five for 5 gp per night, or he could stay in the shared common room for 1 gp per night. Guests must pay a week in advance and must be in by 8 be'light [11pm] every day.
"If you're not in the room by them," Vera said tersely. "You lose the room. No fightin'. Dinner at dark. No weapons. No problems."
So Grim took a room.
That evening, Grim sat down with eleven others to have the evening meal at the Hermitage. A guy with a strawberry birthmark was there - Magnus Digby himself! Plus his two mates Joshua Spandex, a pit-fighter, and Curtis Dronk, a suspected tea-leaf. Magnus Digby had cold eyes, cold like a fish, but he claimed to be a womanizer. Grim managed to wheedle out their room numbers too: 2 for Magnus, 3 for Dronk and 4 for Spandex.
Cody suggested Ezme distract Magnus with her Soixante Neuf feminine wiles while some of the group break in to Digby's room to see if the magic spear was hidden there, but Grim was utterly terrified of Vera Duckworth and did not want to break any rules of the Hermitage. Breaking into other guests' rooms is strictly against the rules, of course.
So, instead, the plan was to capture Digby and interrogate him. Ezme would seduce and lure him to a prearranged room at the Flabbergasted Radish. Here, Cody would burst into his room and attempt a Sleep spell, and Fat Willow a Command spell, with martial support from Tom and Jack (and Ezme) if that failed.
So, Grim returned to the Hermitage that evening and spent the night. In the morning, over breakfast, Grim hooked up with Digby and regaled the pleasures of a 69 whore that he knew. Digby's interest was piqued and he wanted to meet her.
Noon at the Green Pickle was the Inn for the rendezvous.
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| Ezme all dolled up for Magnus |
"I understand that you are interested in worshipping Soixante Neuf?" Ezme said with a little smile.
"Yes I am," replied Magnus. "I am thinking about converting to Soixante Neuf. I heard its a very meaningful religion."
"I've heard that before," said Ezme.
"Have you? But this is true. From the depth of my heart..."
"Here's the deal. I understand that Jack gave you the impression that I would be willing to do this for free."
"What he said was that you Soixante Neuf bitches, uh - I mean women - take us to worship. And that is how you convert us. And that you do that for free. Because it is another soul to god."
"Really?" said Ezme. "I've asked around about you, my friend..."
"... And you'd have learnt that I have the purest of souls."
"Here's how it's gonna work. If you want to worship with me, you'd better pay out some money. I don't expect a lot. I am fulfilling my duties."
"Like a donation... to the greater good?"
"Of course," said Ezme.
"That you will hand over to your church, of course."
"Of course."
Magnus's eyes showed no emotion at all, but he nodded assent. Then he started again.
"If by chance, you know, if things don't happen for me. Sometimes that's been a problem after I got ... cut there." He made a gesture to his groin. "So, I like to use an instrument. Is that okay?"
"I would have to see said instrument," said Ezme. "To be honest, I would be surprised if things didn't happen for you. I would count that as a personal failure."
Ezme got up to leave.
"So, meet me at the Flabbergasted Radish in one hour."
"Have you got a tarpaulin and a drop sheet?" asked Magnus.
Ezme confirmed this (she would have to swing past the Soixante Neuf temple on the way to the Radish).
"I'll bring my instruments," said Magnus. "Just in case."
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