Spiders - It had to be spiders

(Written by Ian)

We catch up with our group, late afternoon stood in a small wood a couple of kilometres from the White Witch’s ACME™ Castle. The castle was mostly across clear ground, and this small wood was the last of the cover the group could use.

They were crouched down in a close huddle to avoid making any sound that the nearby ogre sentries might hear, alerting them to the group’s position. The snow and ice caused the party to wring their hands and blow warm breath over their fingers. Their breath formed clouds that drift off into the trees.

The guide, Hedge Tops (a ferret whose voice is remarkably like Light’s), spoke quietly to the party; “So that is the entry point we were told about. That stream leads into the hill side and carries on upstream to the castle. Didn’t know about those stinking ogres, but these are strange times.” 

“Oh well, at least it provides further evidence that the castle is at the end of the stream” mentioned Carla [ Andrew ].

The party discussed the pros and cons of various plans. The full frontal assault on the castle front door was always a good one to contemplate. Perhaps not this time… The open ground and large number of human sized rat guards and savage looking White Tiger sentries would make this seem like a bad idea. As what little of the sun slowly heads toward the Western horizon, they decided to do some reconnaissance. Light Touch [ Jeff ] was rendered undetectable with the ‘nothing to see here’ invisible spell. He swanned past the ogres and into the cave mouth. It opened into a larger chamber that had the ogre accommodation and ‘food’ supplies. It seemed that all the ogres were currently outside around their fire, enjoying the remains of some poor woodland creatures.

Light Touch quickly checked the chamber and exits, including where the stream carried on toward the castle. There are no additional light sources, so the low light vision was soon of little use. Light Touch returned to the group well before the invisibility wore off.

“Ok then, seems like now is the time to sneak the group past the ogres”. 

Yeti [ Darryl] rendered all eight party members invisible, just long enough to cover the open ground and get past the feasting guards. Once inside, the party struck lights and Peg Groups [Ian] and Light Touch headed off upstream, the mages and clerics in the middle with Whiz to the rear. Going was good with the stream being easy to follow.  There were many side tunnels on either side and Gwiffen started to protest progressing forward; “It smells it does. Me don’t wike it…” The group started to notice silken threads disappearing into most of the side passages 

“Great” said Peg, “spiders. It HAD to be spiders.”

After reasonable progress the cave system opened into a large cavern. With no effort at all it is clear to see that the high ceiling was a writhing mass of dog sized spiders. They were everywhere. They were places beyond everywhere. 

“This has the potential to not go well” The party said simultaneously.

While contemplating options and visualising the pointlessness of just about all forms of offence that the party had at their disposal, a larger single spider gently lowered on a web strand from the cavern roof.

“Heeelllllooooo” the loathsome thing hissed.

“Ahem, hello” Light Touch stammered. “Could we please pass through the cavern?”

“Nice one person. That is unlikely to happen intruder. These are OUR caves and you are not welcome”

Yeti added “Agreed, however we are travelling through and do not want to cause you and your kind any problem”

“Well then” the spider negotiator started “We would like to make a deal. You donate one of you lot to feed us, and we shall let the remainder pass.”

The party let out a sigh of relief. At least three hands and a foot glided out of the dark and confidently ‘steered’ Gwiffen toward the heinous arachnid. “Oi! Watch ya doin???? You can’t do vat. Stoppit!”.

“Oh no you don’t” hissed the spider. “That hairy morsel is too small and you offered it too fast. We need one of you other lot to feed upon”.

The party consulted; “Oh well it was worth a shot but have to come up with a plan b. We couldn’t really let Gwiffen be used like that”.

Yeti again approached the dangling negotiator;

“Ahem, Mr Spider sir, we are wanting to go to the castle. Offering one of our crew is not an option, however we know that the Castle is full of food (ok, the enemy), how about we get your safe passage on the promise of delivering a meal from the castle occupants? Does this sound reasonable?”

“Hmm, this does sound promising – but we could just eat you all here?” The spider rationally pointed out.

“What about the ogres?” offered Peg Groups “We could draw them back here for you to eat and after all, they are much bigger than us?”

“Sorry pointy ear, as much as they could be eaten they have been stopping troublesome interlopers for a while and we like that. The ogres are not an option.” A small swarm of spiders was slowly building not far from the group, behind the spider speaker. They were more and more agitated and excited. The promise of a decent meal was getting too much to bear. Yeti continued nervously;

“Ok then, ogres are out, a party member is out, how about we promise the equivalent weight of the party in castle enemies? 8 dinners served warm?”

“Eeenterresssstinggg…. We can agree to that, six-legs-missing. We give you safe passage and you deliver eight meals. They must be warm and red blooded for us to feed and your debt to be repaid”

“Agreed” The group spat on palms and shook hands/legs.

“That is the most repulsive feeling ever” Carla observed with a wince.

On they moved upstream to the castle. This time however, accompanied by the sound of thousands of legs following along behind the group. Travel was fast and easy with the 8 legged escorts. Soon the party reached a square metal grate set into the walls, floor and ceiling of the stream. The grate had vertical bars and seemed very old. Just beyond was a man-made area with the signs of the castle plumbing depositing all manner of foulness into the stream. As the two strongest adventures, Whiz and Peg Groups tried to bend, break or otherwise the grill but nothing budged the rusted (but obviously solid) grate. 

“Hey Mr Spider, any chance you lot could lend a hand – well – lend a leg and some web?” Light Touch pleaded.

“Another deal then?” The spider leader was positively brimming with glee at the prospect of getting even more out of the group.

“We will help BUT one of your party must stay with us until the full debt is repaid – and not the small hairy thing that smells like the armpit of an old sloth”. Again the party had to decide. As this is a sneaky task to remove an axe from a stone, and to be discovered would mean failure and death anyway, Whiz was volunteered to stay behind.

“But Mr Spider, can we swap Whiz to another party member if we want to? If we really need Whiz we mean?”

“Ok then” The Spider was feeling in a generous mood at this point “Why not? You can swap party members if you desire”.

With the latest deal secured, the spiders combined web and body to start pulling on the grate. Peg and Whiz helped and the grate fell inward with a clatter after a fairly short period of resistance. The spiders stayed where they were with Whiz and the group explored the small area beyond the opening. It was certainly a waste disposal area and there was a solid trapdoor in the ceiling as the obvious dumping point. Light Touch checked it out and the trapdoor was bolted solidly from the top. There were also the distant sounds of voices and footsteps, nothing direct overhead at this stage, but within careful hearing distance.

The party worked out that it was only sunset or early evening so decided to explore the area, prepare and wait until midnight or so before making too much noise. They searched for any alternative exit point but that trap door seemed to be the only way out, stubbornly bolted and about four meters above the stream. Whiz and Peg could not budge it with brute force. Stumped. Peg thought about things, 

“You know, what we need is something that we can use to mechanically pry or force that lid open? Something small enough to get up to the lid, but strong enough to do the job? Wonder what we could use for that?”

John Wayne [ Shane ] stopped reviewing the list of naughty and nice children that seemed to be growing magically

“Oh, not sure if this will help but I have this car jack thingy. Would that do??? Been carrying it around for weeks now”

“Ahhhh, yes” Light Touch said with attitude and head sway only rivalled by TV chat show guests “That will do nicely. Just need to get a solid footing up near the trap door.”

With some cunning ingenuity a small and woefully unstable tower was erected comprised of a loose stone footing to water level, the mangled grate up to the base of the trap door. The grate was secured with cross ropes and Ah Hung [ Steven ] hanging on for grim (Grism anyway) death. The jack set between the grate and the trap door at the side that seemed to have the bolt mechanism nailed from above.

It was time. Sometime close to midnight, when things had been quiet above the door for some time, the handle was wound and the pressure went on. The door creaked and groaned and started to crack. Something gave, and the door released a fraction. Something small and metallic clanged across the ground above. Muttering and murmuring started from somewhere in the distance. The group froze… Quiet again and after a few minutes, Light Touch resumed winding the handle as the door had not fully released.

After more pressure and stress on the door, it eventually exploded apart. Large metal parts that made up the bolting mechanism, rattled and clanged across the floor.

“Bugger. That was noisy” Light Touch observed by way of understatement.

The door was still closed but Light Touch could now lift it far enough to know that it was unbolted. It was a large door and HEAVY but at least finally unlocked. Soon after the less than subtle removal of the bolt, yells and sounds of movement neared from above.

“What do we do? What do we do? Someone do something!” Ah Hung bravely shrieked.

Ah Hung and Peg quickly drew arrow, and Light Touch clung to the opening door jam. Within moments the trap door started to jiggle and move. From above a voice spoke to an unknown other;

“Ere’ look at this. Ratty, it is all busted. There are broken bits everywhere. Who could have done this down here? Open the door and see what gives”.

The door flung open and the stupid dolt had his face and upper chest looking directly down the hole and his colleague’s lantern behind providing the perfect silhouette. What a day for target shooting… Peg and Ah Hung let fly making use of the biggest element of surprise and advantage a group could wish for. The inquisitive human face that stared down soon had an arrow in its forehead and one in its chest. The guard (as it turned out) dropped immediately to his death. Well it would have been to his death if he wasn’t already dead from the quarrels that is.

Light Touch swooped elegantly from his hold position, through the opening and to the floor above. Unfortunately the guards partner above let go of the rope that he was holding the lid open with, at about the same time. Light Touch got most of the way through the opening but the door slammed heavily and painfully into his right shin. Shin and foot were securely held in the door. While Light Touch lay on the ground, he had to deal with a rather nasty broad sword being wielded by a man-sized rat in light armour. Light Touch did well to avoid too much further trouble and eventually the door flung open from below. This released Light Touch and he rolled away.

Peg Groups had taken half a minute or so to get up to the door and fling it open. Peg came through the opening and grabbed the attention of the guard. At this moment a number of things happened simultaneously:

1. The human guard that had fallen through was being searched and fed to the spiders. Disgusting…

2. Gwiffen was making his way through the trap door with deft expertise. He proceeded to secure a climbing rope to a fitting in the above room and allow the others to at least start coming through. Ah Hung was next…

3, The far end of the room (that turned out to be a torture chamber – great) was being opened and a rat and the familiar sounds of a large cockroach in the not nearly distant enough, distance.

Peg dispatched the rat guard with a single crunch. Light Touch was up and about but the new arrivals saw him and persuaded him into fisticuffs. Ok, so Light Touch screamed like a harpy and parried for all his worth. Peg thought at this point that ‘this was going to get interesting once that cockroach gets here’.

Too late. Cockroach was there and Peg Groups engaged to stop it getting near Light Touch or anyone else for that matter. Ah Hung cast his armour spell on Peg to at least give Peg and the party a fighting chance. This turned out to be pivotal in the fight. A number of rounds passed where Peg and cockroach traded hearty blows. Both frustrated by the lack of ability to hurt the other. At least Peg was not being carved apart thanks to Ah’s protection.

After Ah Hung , John Wayne appeared out the hole and proceeded to wave his arms about and cast some spell directly at the cockroach. 

Peg prayed that it was not fireball, the usual spell of choice. Not this time Peg, new spell time for John; Feeble-mind. Good choice John. 

As the rounds wore on the cockroach got weaker and weaker. Peg could tell that the hideous thing was starting to struggle for speed and strength. Eventually, its attacks were pathetic and it was much easier to inflict damage. A few carefully aimed, hearty, blows to the head and the cockroach fell over - dead. The thing’s limbs slowly curled into its upturned belly. Next round the rat was gone with a single blow and all was quiet. The group were in the castle dungeon with the guards gone and a number of wilderness creatures held prisoner in the adjoining cells.

The spiders got 1 human, 2 rats (human sized) and a cockroach. Ok, they did not accept the cockroach but it was worth a try. Three debts paid out of eight.