Cody's Surprise

 Present:

• Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
• Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
• Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
• Grim Hand. Human Male Rogue from Porn City – Jason
• Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
• Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
• Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
• Willow Woods. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
• Kippy Hunt. Human Male Barbarian of the Central Plains – Ian
• Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl

 

by Andrew

Recap (to the carol tune of "St Louis")

O little place of Surrey town, how still we see thee lie! 

A party comes to take one down, beneath a cloudy sky. 

For in thy house a bitter plan was set to work its might, 

The hopes and fears of one old girl were met in curse that night.

For Amelia, in her grief, hired Sancho's Da'Vid Moorn. 

He hired foul Otto, killer scum, a wicked plan to form. 

Otto found Magnus, lowly thief, from Porn City, so bold, 

To steal spear from barbarian hand, a story to be told.

That cursed spear, a deadly thing, to Vincent de Throak it went. 

The magic worked, the death-bells rang, a life so greedily spent. 

Then Thespian, from Wizards' Guild, forced Cody make the call: 

"Go kill Amelia now," he willed. "Your party, one and all."

The Ambush Plan

Cody here. My turn to write in this damn diary in person - first person this time.

Every evening, Amelia had been observed being escorted to her home by the Surrey sheriff, through the village streets. This was at the same time each evening, 10 be'light. The group was too wuss-scared to dare take her on in her house. She had some mastiffs that wandered her yard, and the party was scared of the big bad dogs.

So, the plan was to ambush Amelia and the Sheriff as they passed the cleverly-hidden party in the street. I would use two Silence spells. One Silence would be placed on the road, and as soon as Amelia and the sheriff walked into that region, then I would cast a second Silence at her feet. At the same time, Kippy and Munch would pepper her and the Sheriff with arrows. Then the fighters, Tom, Rock, Grim and Jack would rush in to engage.

"Still not sure why we are doing this," said Esme. "I think we're backing the wrong horse."

"We voted last time!" squeaked Munch.

Esme, a child slave herself, now supported the death of (evil child slaver) Throak and could empathize with Amelia, so she decided that she would not participate. She would only provide healing support.

We all lurked hidden and skulking at a good spot on the main street. Surrey was a tiny town, so the streets were deserted.

10 be'light came and went. No sign!

So, we wandered down to Amelia's residence and staked it out.

Stake Out

We ended up watching her cottage-cum-tower for three days and nights, observing continuously by rotation, perfectly hidden.

Every day the sheriff would go in and feed the dogs. Occasionally, movement could be seen through the windows of someone walking within.

Amelia's cottage and tower

Plan A

Getting nowhere fast, we suggested Fat Willow do some in-person reconnaissance. So, using his druidly powers, he turned into a fat sparrow and he flew up to the arrow slit at the top storey of the tower.

Half an hour passed, and then an hour. (The ability only lasted 30 mins). He never returned.

Oh dear.

"Looks like we gotta go in," I mused. "Plan A after all."

The question was, do we go through the dogs and sneak in the front door, or go through the back door. The other wusses didn't want to go through the back door. They thought it was a honey trap. 

We had a vote: Dogs it was.

So, Tom poisoned some hunks of meat, then Munch chucked these hunks of meat into the yard with the dogs. They ate both hunks, and they writhed around on the ground. They were making so much whimpering and groaning noises as the fell poison did its thing, so I cast Silence on them to stop the noise. They eventually died; after five long minutes of agony.

As will be made clear later, let me state now, for the record, that I specifically did not vote for the dog route!

Inside

Then using Detect Traps from me and Ardern and Jack, we made our way into the building. Esme stayed outside (with the dog bodies) guarding the rear. As mentioned earlier, she was not willing to be part of this assassination.

Inside, there was a kitchen, and a guest bedroom. There was a picture in here of a lady, presumably Amelia, with Otto and Emance and a young girl.

Oh dear...

There was an internal cat-flap, and lying on the ground next to the flap was a single sparrow feather. A fat feather.

Oh dear.

The kitchen had a stairway going down to a basement and through a secret door to a passage. This lead to the base of the tower joined to the cottage. 

In this room, the basement of the tower, was a whole lot of junk. I cast Detect Magic and a rocking-horse glowed, a morning-star flail glowed (1H blunt) and a dress-maker mannikin glowed too. 

We carefully entered, but as soon as we got in, they all animated, and came hurtling towards us. Aaargh!

We rushed out and slammed the door.

Back upstairs, through another room and door, we get into the ground level of the tower (level above the animated things). This level of the tower was empty but for a winding staircase going up and down.

In here, there were some more sparrow feathers.

Onwards and upwards: Kippy followed by me, Tom, Munch, Ardern, Jack, Grim and Rock.

Floating maul

On the next level was a study. It contained a desk, and lots of books lining the walls. On the wall was a large two-handed maul, and there was something on the desk, the size of a half-elf head, covered by a shroud cloth.

Kippy and I went in a bit further, but before I could cast Detect Magic, the maul detached itself from the wall and hurtled towards us!

It savagely whacked Kippy HARD.

Tom and Munch came up the stairs next. I frantically tried to avoid the vicious maul, but no luck, and it whacked me HARD.

Kippy wrenched off the shroud on the desk. Underneath was a white crystal ball.

The maul targeted Kip again and knocked him down.

Everyone else got inside the room.

I then did a Detect Magic, as Munch rushed up the stairs - but he vanished! The maul glowed, the ball, and the desk.

Amelia

"Stop this nonsense now!"

We then heard an elderly woman's voice "Stop this nonsense now!"

The mace paused, and flew back to its cradle on the wall.

Amelia, herself, walked down the stairs in a nightgown, with a cat.

"Where's our Munch?" I asked weakly.

"He's up here visiting. With your sparrow. Your fat sparrow. I knew you were coming here. It's about time, Cody Dieback."

I blinked.

"H...How do you know me?"

"I know you well. I know your mother. Greta Dieback"

Blink.

"But Ferranti Stevens killed her. Killed mummy."

"Are you sure?" she said.

Blink.

"She is still alive," she continued. "I know her well. She would not wish you to harm me."

"I agree with that!"

"You killed my dogs," she stated.

"W...well *I* didn't. In fact I voted not to go that route."

"A life for a life, is what I live by. And I have two of your people. You have come to kill me. So fulfill your task and leave."

"N...Not if you know my mummy. I will protect you. Thespian wants you dead."

"I killed Vincent because he killed my grand daughter"

I recovered a bit.

"We seem to be at an impasse then," I said. "So ... um... your cat didn't get our sparrow after all?"

"No, that was just a joke."

Joke indeed.

"I've done no wrong," said Amelia, changing the subject again. "And yet you killed my son."

"Who was he?" I asked.

"Otto."

"Oh, that prick. He deserved to die. Did you know he was rutting... your daughter?'

"I did," she said. "That's how I got a grand-daughter."

Blink.

"You approve of that?"

"You can not fight against blood.  So, again, take my life, if you wish."

Greta Dieback

"No," I protested. "I ...uh... changed my mind now. You know my mum."

She pointed at the desk.

"The crystal ball will tell all."

"What, talk to my mum?"

"Touch it and see."

I touched it, tentatively. There was a thrilling tingle up my arm, so I immediately put both hands on it and lovingly embraced it [failed Arcane Defence save]. Through the misty glass, I  saw a woman's features come into focus: "Mummy!". 

The Red Witch

My mother, Greta Dieback, was still just as beautiful, and hadn't aged a day. She was now a powerful witch in the Central Plains. Known as the fearsome "Red Witch". We had heard this name two seasons ago, when we were first working for Ester (the barbarian druid in the Central Plains).

Having lost all motive to harm Amelia, despite Thespian's threats, I moved up the stairs to protect and aid her from the group. Not that this was really necessary. Their hearts weren't into this mission any more.

Esme, tired of shouting from outside, joined the group inside.

Amelia, sensing danger towards her had dropped, said "In return for your lives, I hereby give you a task. I would like the Spear of the Elessari Circle returned to the Central Plains Barbarians."

Thespian currently had the spear, held in the Porn City Wizards' Guild.

"I will pay you nothing, but the Plains Barbarians will reward you well. So, your choice is simple. Either kill me, or do my task."

"I am not going to kill you," I snapped. "No way."

"You will protect me."

"Yes, my mother would want me to protect you. But you're perfectly safe anyway. No-one in my group is brave enough or motivated enough to do this now - except maybe Rock. I was the only one pushing this barrow anyway, using the threat of Thespian and the Porn City Guild. But that has completely changed now."

Rock gazed across at the eighty-year-old's chest, in her nightgown, hoping he could see some lovely lady lumps. 

Noticing Rock's misplaced lecherous stare, she waved her hand and he vanished in a puff of greasy black smoke. Then, with another wave of her hand, Munch and Willow (back to normal), looking rather surprised, appeared in his stead.

"I will write up a contract which you will all sign tomorrow," she said. 

"Also, you will need to decide which member of your group you will sacrifice," she said coldly. "As payment for killing my dogs. A life for a life, as it were."

"How about if we bring you the head of Thespian?" I offered.

"That would be adequate."

T O   B E   C O N T I N U E D

Richard's DMing stint ends here.

Inside the Onion?

Present:

• MARMALADING: Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
• Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
• Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
• Grim Hand. Human Male Rogue from Porn City – Jason
• "Ezme". Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
• MARMALADING: Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
• Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
• MARMALADING Willow. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
• Kippy Hunt. Human Male Barbarian of the Central Plains – Ian
• Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl

 

by Jeff

The Decision

"Well, I agree with Cody" stated Jack, "Let's just head over to Surrey and check out this Amelia"

"Cody, what do you think?"

"Cody?"

"CODY?"

Cody was slumped in the chair in the corner of the room, limbs akimbo, head lolling to the side, and marmalade oozing out of his mouth and down over his chin.

"Oh" laughed Jack, "Cody's out"

Sancho and its barren coastline

There was nothing much in the regions around Sancho; probably no one was game to set up shop anywhere near the depraved cesspool that was Sancho, but a few small hamlets dotted the coastline nearby. Retirement villages and small farming outposts predominantly. Surrey was one of these, located about a days journey Klibward up the coast.

Munch slipped out to hire a small, covered wagon (the weather was miserable, pissing down with rain and cold as) and we upped sticks and headed for Surrey. Esme and Tom walked ahead while the wagon was hired and provisioned, wrapped in their rain gear, while the rest of the crew waited in the dry. 

Once the wagon was ready, they all rested in dry comfort under the wagon cover as Munch cracked the whip and drove the horses onward. 

The wagon caught up with Esme and Tom around midday, and Kippy laughed at the bedraggled state of Esme and Tom.

"You should just ride the wagon with us" Kippy called.

"F' off" muttered Esme, feeling queasy just looking at the wagon wheels turning.

[Esme suffers from the Travel-Sick Fault. She must make a successful roll (at a penalty-roll two dice and take the worst) against her Constitution (11) or succumb to sickness. Tired of regular 'barfing' and being mocked by the rest of the party, Esme no longer rides on a wagon! Tom was walking with her to make sure there were no surprise 'encounters']

Surrey

We arrived in Surrey just before dark. It was tiny little hamlet; "population 82" declared the fading wooden sign at the edge of town. There was only one Inn, the Raven & Emerald, and so we crowded in. Only a few other customers graced the small barroom, and an older woman manned the bar.

Agnes was her name, and Kippy struck up some conversation.

Apparently, Surrey only had the one church, of Super Fosfait, on account of the rich vein of said super phosphate that surfaced nearby, "Directly under the church" Agnes noted proudly.

"And did you know that Sancho itself was built over a thick vein of super phosphate too" she declared.

 "I figured it was a pile of shite" quipped Kippy rudely.

Agnes stared at Kippy with a frown, before turning away with a disgruntled huff.

The next morning, we trooped off to "visit" the church (and reconnoitre the rest of the town).

A priest of Super Fosfait was working in the pastor's office, and a grizzled old man was worshipping at the altar. Munch went forward to chat to the old guy.

He was named Walter Brock, a retired Temple Fighter of Super Fosfait, and he also served as the local sheriff "When sheriffing is required" he added.

[At this point in the evening, Stephen dialled in and the assorted items of party treasure were distributed, according to the well-established protocols of treasure distribution.

Jason obtained the Cloak of Hiding (Invisible when stationary)

Andrew obtained the Boots of Stealth (+2 to Stealth rolls)

Andrew also obtained the Letter Opener of Discretion (Can discretely open and reveal the contents)

Jason obtained the Dagger of Quarterisation (Ignores armour and can cauterize wounds)

The Sword of Venom was turned in and later sold for two thousand gold pieces.]

Grim inquired of Walter about the people "Living hereabouts" but Walter wasn't very forthcoming.

Jack took a stroll through the town (about fifty metres down the main street) and spotted an old stone cottage with a small, attached stone tower. A large tree towered over one corner of the cottage, and two large wolfhounds lay in front of a large dog kennel out the front.

"Tower" thought Jack, "Tower ... Wizard ... Amelia ... Found her!" his thought stream concluded.

Kippy slipped into some trees and began a period of surveillance. The dogs patrolled regularly around the house and just before dark Amelia was spotted leaving the cottage. Kippy's eyes tracked her down the street and into the Inn. 

The rest of the party were already in the Inn, and saw an old woman enter and buy herself a drink.

After about ten minutes, Walter from the church entered and joined the old woman at her table.

"Check it out" Rock grunted loudly, ogling the old lady, "A double-D for sure!"

Of course, everyone in the room heard him and turned to stare.

The old woman stared back at Rock with a sharp steely expression. A cold chill passed over Rock, and then Walter wandered over.

[Fortunately, Rock made a saving through against Arcane magic otherwise there is no telling what may have eventuated and what may have occurred to Rock. But no one was any the wiser, apart from the old woman who now had an idea of Rock's magical resistance]

"Best not to stare at her" Walter calmly stated, leaning over Rock, "Folk round here might get upset"

"She's a might sensitive since her husband passed away some years ago" he continued.

Walter's hand rested suggestively on the hilt of his needle-sharp rapier.

"Ahh, fair enough" gulped Rock, turning away from the old woman.

Subtle inquiries with the innkeeper revealed that this was indeed Amelia Wilson. She had been "someone" in the Sancho wizard's guild and had retired to Surrey some years ago when her husband, a "big deal trader" from Sancho passed away "in mysterious circumstances".

The party decided to stay on in Surrey for a few days, to "relax and enjoy the restful atmosphere" they declared to anyone who would listen. In fact, a few days of consistent observation found that Amelia followed a regular daily pattern.

Home for the day.

Feed the dogs just after lunchtime and take them out for a walk.

Down to the pub at 10 be'light.

A couple of drinks with Walter.

A simple meal.

Back home, escorted by Walter.

Home all night.

"Let's sneak into her house while she's at the Inn" suggested Jack.

"Nah" declared Munch, "It'll be trapped up the wazoo"

"Well then, lets ambush her when she walks down to the Inn" suggested Tom.

"Nah" declared Munch, "It's too light. Anyone could see us"

"How about we jump the both of them when he escorts her back home at night" suggested Grim.

"Nah" declared Munch, "He's a big deal fighter and there'll be too much noise"

"OK" countered Ezme, "How's about we head back to Sancho and get a bit more information"

[Ezme wasn't keen on killing Amelia and she was up for anything that might delay the inevitable]

"OK" said Munch.

Back at Sancho

After another day of travel, we arrived back at Sancho.

It still stunk like a cesspool and everyone still had shifty eyes.

But we all retuned to The Sable Lilly and took rooms again.

The next morning, Kippy and Ezme, armed with bags of gold, visited the Whisperer's Guild to buy some more information. Ezme set about negotiating a fair price for said information.

The Whisperer Informant was a shifty eyed fellow

"500 gold" said the shifty eyed guild flunky.

"Done" said Ezme, dropping a large and heavy sack on the table.

"Oh" responded the flunky with some surprise, "I'll just get our Informant for you"

Another shifty eyed fellow in a black cloak sidled into the room and sat on one side of the desk.

"What ya be wanting to know then?" he whispered.

"Tell us about Amelia Wilson and her husband" asked Ezme.

"Well ..." he sighed, "Amelia Wilson, née Venning, was originally from Porn City and emigrated to Sancho many years ago. She eventually married Willie Wilson, a high-ranking trader in all sorts of illicit goods here in Sancho and a staunch card-carrying member of the guild of thieves. Their marriage ran into some difficulties about three-four years ago when rumour has it that they had a personal conflict of interest. They separated and sometime later old Willie was found in his bed, the life sucked right out of him as though drained by some ancient undead denizen of the underworld. Following that, Amelia just wasn't right in the head, and she retired out to a little place called Surrey, just up the coast, but you know that already, don't you?"

Ezme's eyes had lit up at "Venning".

Venning was a well-known family name in Porn City, in fact the Venning's ran the Thieves Guild in Porn City and are one of the more powerful families there. Even though Ezme wasn't from Porn City originally, she had heard of the Venning's!

Before he could take another breath, Ezme thanked the shifty eyed informant profusely, and she and Kippy hurried back to the party to report.

"Sure, sure, but what was this conflict of interest?" queried Munch.

"And did Amelia actually kill the husband?" butted in Grim.

"And 500 gold" complained Jack, "Why didn't you ask for more information?"

"No pleasing some people" grumbled Ezme, and she and Kippy grabbed another sack of gold and returned to the Whisperer's guild for another bite of the cherry.

"1000 gold" said the shifty eyed guild flunky.

"F' off" swore Ezme, "500 gold"

And she dropped another large and heavy sack on the table.

"Done" said flunky, "Wait here"

The same shifty eyed fellow in the black cloak sidled into the room again.

"What ya be wanting to know then?" he whispered.

"Tell us about Willie Wilson and any of his dealings with Vincent de Throak" asked Ezme.

"Well ..." he sighed, "Willie Wilson, as you know, was rather a big deal trader here in Sancho, a powerful and well-respected member of the guild of thieves, known to deal in all sorts of illicit goods. Anything really, for the right price. But his specialty was people. He could get anyone, of any race, any age, any sex, for any use. For trade with Porn City Willie would often deal with Vincent de Throak, a somewhat estranged member of the infamous ruling family of de Throak. Vincent's specialty was children, he could supply children of any age, any race, any sex, and any lineage!"

The Informant's shifty eyes darted from side-to-side, and he leaned forward and continued quietly.

"Rumour has it that Willie had ordered a teenage female from Vincent, one with potential. And one was provided, apparently an orphan, a child of the powerful Venning family"

Ezme's eyes lit up again at "Venning".

Amelia Venning's husband had bought a Venning girl from Porn City!

And she had bought her from Vincent de Throak!

Before the Informant could take another breath, Ezme thanked him profusely again, and she and Kippy hurried back to the party to report.

"That's got to be it" declared Jack, "Amelia killed them all on a family matter"

"Could be, could be" mused Munch.

A report was sent by Gnome Post back to the wizard Thespian at the Porn City guild.

"Now" declared Ezme, "We just need to wait for his response"

This would be a three week round trip, even by Gnome Post, so the party hunkered down in the Inn. No excursions were made out into Sancho, meals were taken in the Inn, drink was consumed, fights were avoided, bills were paid, and arguments nipped in the bud.

Kill Amelia!

Three weeks later a reply came by Gnome Post.

"KILL AMELIA"

"What else does it say?" asked Grim.

"That's it" replied Jack, "Just those two words"

"But what does that mean?" asked Munch, "Surely not that we should kill Amelia?"

"That wasn't in our contact" stated Ezme, "No way"

Votes were taken.

The party decision was to execute the instruction.

By executing Amelia. We were off to Surrey again!

The Giant Lizard

Aiming to set up a discrete campsite base a half hour travel from Surrey so we could carry out further reconnaissance and launch our attack, Kippy selected a nice spot in a shallow valley, hidden from the surrounds, and next to a quiet stream.

"Fresh water" declared Kippy happily.

[ Unbeknownst to all though, Kippy had totally fumbled his Survival-Wilds roll and failed to spot the large and deep footprints that marched along a well beaten trail beside the stream.] It wasn't until much later that night while everyone was sleeping, apart from Munch and Jack who were on watch, that this unfortunate oversight was eventually discovered.

It started with a quiet rustle in the distance downstream, heard by both Munch and Jack, and quickly escalated into a rowdy rumble, cracking and smashing of bush, and thumping vibrations from heavy footfalls. Munch, utilizing his Night Vision Talent, quickly drew a handful of arrows from his quiver and got two away in quick succession. Jack rushed around the sleeping party, yelling aloud and waking everyone, then threw a bunch of kindling onto the small campfire.

A giant lizard charged out of the night

Tom grabbed his trusty club and stepped forward bravely, staring at the giant snarling lizard revealed by the flare of light from the fire. 

This thing was huge! It towered above Tom and swung its jaws down towards him, spittle flying from its rows of needle-like teeth. 

Dropping his bow and drawing his sword, Munch joined Esme, Jack, Rock, and Kippy in their attack on the giant lizard's flanks while Tom held its attention at its head.

The lizard's hide was thick and rigid, many of the successful blows just bouncing off and jarring our attacker's arms. [The creature had a five-point armoured hide; five damage points subtracted from each successful hit's damage] Tom managed to avoid the creature's attacks, striking the creature in each of the three rounds of battle. Tom also utilized his Heavy Hitter Talent [spend 2 Luck on a successful melee attack to obtain an additional damage die] to make the most of his strikes. 

It could have turned out quite differently, but the giant lizard was subdued and killed in only three melee rounds, with none of the party taking even a scratch.

"Lucky that thing didn't hit you" noted Kippy, "That's known as a Death Lizard out in the Waste!"

"Yeah" muttered Tom, "Lucky indeed"

After all that excitement, it took a good half hour for everyone to get back to sleep.

"I hope Cody is awake tomorrow" mumbled Grim as his eyes slowly closed.

......

Yet Another Layer

 Present:

• Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
• Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
• Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
• Grim Hand. Human Male Rogue from Porn City – Jason
• Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
• Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
• Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
• MARMALADING Willow Woods. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
• Kippy Hunt. Human Male Barbarian of the Central Plains – Ian
• Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl

 

by Andrew

Recap

Porn City sybarite and sodomite, Viscount Vincent de Throak, had recently met a horrible death when he had taken possession of a powerful magical cursed spear-head. 

In Letchtown (satellite town of Porn City), the group had tracked down an Otto (now deceased), who was the one who had paid a Magnus (deceased) to fetch and deliver the cursed spear-head to Throak. And the group had determined Otto's employer was a Da'Vid Moorn of Sancho.

So, the whole group had gone to Sancho. They were staying in the posh inn The Sable Lilly.

The Castrated Virgin

Esme visited the famous Sancho Whisperers' Guild. This was an off-shoot of the Sancho Thieves' Guild who were willing to sell information, for a price. She found out that Da'Vid Moorn owned the Castrated Virgin tavern in a suburb of the city called the Veins.

"Now we just need to capture, torture, and question him," some wag volunteered.

Sancho streets were busy at night, so the group made its way through the Sancho smog to the Veins. The Veins was a shady seedy place full of warrens, brothels, pubs, dubious shops and places you could buy any thing (or any one) for gold.

The Castrated Virgin tavern was pretty much of a dive. It had a few burly guards, and a fighting pit. The group sat down at a grimy table and ordered a five course degustation meal each - five delicious courses accompanied by specially-chosen wine to compliment the delectations.

1. 
   Watery tepid gruel accompanied by a fragrant pond-lilly wine (kissed by the musty roots of a pond lilly).
2. To cleanse the palate, this was followed by a sorbet, of semi-frozen slushy ram semen.
3. Belette enflammée sur un bâton (weasel on a stick) in a delicious curdled-blood jus.
4. Then Croque Mademoiselle Putain (crunchy whore). Melted cheese from nanny-goats who had run with a billy.
5. Dog testicles dipped in chocolate.

During the feast, an ugly dwarf approached and introduced himself as Thorick Hodenbrecher. He was attracted to Esme and offered to pay for some whore-action.

"I am not a whore !" said Esme indignantly. "The Soixante Neuf temple does it for donations. We are not whores."

"Oh, it's free then?" said Thorick. "That's fine by me."

They got talking and 

Maud Fassbender

Thoric pointed out another lady, the current manageress of the establishment. So Esme spoke to her.

She was Maud Fassbender. She was running the tavern in Da'Vid's stead. She had not seen him for a while; twelve weeks, in fact. Needless to say, twelve weeks coincided exactly with the death of Vincent Throak way back in Porn City. Was that significant? The group didn't know.

The rest of the eve was quiet, and the group withdrew to their inn. On the walk back to the Sable Lilly, some hapless thugs try to rob them.

Tom ended up whacking a thug (with a critical) and almost killed him. But this certainly served to scare the other thugs away.

They were more careful for the rest of the journey. Munch, Kippy, Grim and Cody (the good sneakers) would take turns hiding and watching for followers.

Munch went first and spotted two malcontents following the group. He diverted the group to another tavern and then confronted the followers. This turned out to be a false alarm, and an indignant bard was angry at being accused to be a stalker.

The rest of the trip to the Sable Lilly was quiet.

The next day, Esme returned to the Whisperers, after handing over 300 gp and half the names of the group (Esme, Cody, Rock, Willow, Tom) she got some valuable info. 

The Sancho Wizards' Guild likes to collect the names of everyone. This allows them to magically mark them and track them at great distant. Hence valid name collections is a useful form of payment. Is Sancho a fascist police-state? Safer not to dare ask that question.

The Whisperers gave a description of Da'Vid: a fake eye, teeth missing, ugly, 6'4, wirey. Middle-ranked assassin. More importantly, Esme got an address of his second property: a lock-up in the Ashway row area: 82 Furnell St.

 

Furnell St

It was dark when the group approached the lock-up in the deserted unlit streets. It was a warehouse, with other lock-ups on each sides and at the back. Single storey, no windows, and one solid door.

Munch picked the lock, and that went to a small entrance way with a second door, which was covered in scratches and old blood.

Cody listened and heard panting. There was a hungry dog there but Tom managed to beguile it with food and water. This calmed the poor thing.

The inside of the building was mostly one room, but there was a second door next to the entrance door.

Zombie Dog

Through the second door, there was a fearsome undead rottweiler, which needed magical weapons to damage. Ardern managed to Turn it. 

When undead are turned, they will not approach the turning priest for several hours. (In this state, if the creature is damaged, the Turning power is lost - and the priest must roll again, thus it is better not to attack turned undead.) So, using her power, Ardern kept the zombie dog safely away from the group, allowing them to search the office that it was guarding.

Inside the office were three chests. The locks of all the chests were trapped with poison needles. Munch was the groups trap finder, but he wasn't very good today and managed to get several of the needles embedded into his skin, and even one under a fingernail, but with a bunch of Slow Poisons from Jack, Esme and Ardern and even one chancy Neutralize Poison (Ardern), plus some Find Traps spells, some reluctant Knock spells, all was well (apart from the agony Munch had to suffer), and the chests were all opened. 

Munch's bane

One chest had 1000 silver pieces, another had 1000 gold pieces (1000 coins weighs 28kg), and one had nice clothing, plus a magic cloak and some magic slippers - bells on the toes.

When the search was complete, Ardern returned the zombie dog to its guard room, and Cody shut the door, safely locking the creature up again  - someone else's problem.

Pay-dirt

There was a trapdoor in floor of the main room. This went down to a small room via a ladder, and everyone descended.

Down here were some long trestle tables, a bunch of shelving on the walls with lots of vials, and many ingredients: barks herbs, 21 special herbs and spices. Some lanterns too. A Detect Magic revealed nothing glowing.

There was a desk here, strewn with papers. It was financial reports and bills of lading. Nothing very significant.

The desk had four drawers: Detect Traps  - top two drawers had traps

Rather than risk Munch's finger-nails again, Cody just blew the drawers open with a Knock spell. The only downside of this is that it will set off alarms and area-effect traps, and will destroy delicate potions. But it gets the job done.

Sure enough, in this case, the drawer contents were soaked in liquid, and the broken glass from two smashed vials.

"I bet they were Neutralize Poison potions," muttered Munch.

Unbroken inside, there was a silver letter-opener and a scroll too,  sealed with a wax seal - now broken.

Cody grabbed the scroll and opened it. The broken seal turned out to be a contact poison, but Cody shrugged it off. His own rashes and scabs more than compensated any stinging necrotic effects.

It was a letter from an Amelia Wilson to Da'Vid Moorn. Paraphrased:

Kill Vincent de Throak in this manner: 

Locate the Spear of the Barbarian Circle, and steal this spear, then see that it is delivered to Vincent de Throak. 

You may want to use gloves. 

The family will be very appreciative of this.

Detect Magic revealed that the silver letter-opener was magic, and the broken seal too.

Also here were the ownership papers of the Castrated Virgin. 

The group had what they had sought. So after a quick search of the walls (loose bricks revealed a tunnel to the sewers), they left the place - with the dog - and returned to the Sable Lilly. 

Return to Whisperers

Esme returned to Whisperer's Guild. Amelia Wilson was a valuable clue, so Esme wanted as much information as they could get on Wilson. So, she paid the Whisperer contact 1000gp and gave him the rest of the party's names. The information was duly delivered:

"Amelia Wilson is a retired member of the Sancho Wizards' Guild. She lives alone, in a small hamlet called Surrey - a day's journey out of Sancho. She is elderly. She is frail. She is not able to cause you issues, but she has friends - many many friends - in the Guild. She was popular. She had to retire. She was of unstable mind."

Cody immediately wrote to his WG patron Thespian back in Porn City, to update him with all this new information, but even with Gnome Post, this message would take a week to arrive and a second week to get an answer.

"I can tell you now what Thespian will say," said Cody, sullenly. "He will abuse me for being ugly, demand why we are taking so long, and demand we confront Miss Wilson to get a 'why'."

To tidy things up, Cody cast Identify on the three magical items:

• The silver letter-opener can open any letter, and show its contents without disturbing it.
• Boots of Stealth. +2 to stealth rolls
• Cloak of Hiding - as per the Hide spell

Otto's Interview

Present:

• Cody Dieback. Human Male Wizard from Highport – Andrew
• MARMALADING Jack "Blocker" Jones. Human Male Temple Fighter of Aquamarina from Porn City – Jamie
• Tom Eade. Human Male Fighter from Porn City – Jeff
• Grim Hand. Human Male Rogue from Porn City – Jason
• Esmeralda "Ezme" Abernathy. Human Female Temple Fighter of Soixante Neuf from Scabport – Shane
• Ardern. Human Female Priestess of Mr Quail from Porn City – Kevin
• MARMALADING Rock Hammer. Human Male Barbarian from Central Plains – Steven
• Willow Woods. Half-elf Male Caribou Gorn Priest from Porn City - Chris
• Kippy Hunt. Human Male Barbarian of the Central Plains – Ian
• Munch Ease. Human Male Thief from Porn City – Darryl

 

by Ian

Five non-marmalading members of the group [at the start of the session]  Kip, Cody, Munch, Ardern and Grim lounged in the barn discussing the approach moving forward. The options ahead settled on the following:

• Do they take on Otto and Emance together?
• Do they make sure that they are NOT together?
• What are the objectives? Who killed Vincent de'Throak? Why was Vincent killed?

It was decided to NOT take them on together. There was a reliable window between 8 & 7 be'light where Otto was still at the brothel, cleaning and shutting up shop, and Emance was going to be in her cottage. That would ensure they would not take on both. 

Therefore the next question was the approach:

1. Through the alley-way secret door, proceed DOWN to the quarters that housed the guard dog and two sleeping guards - and Otto's office and bedroom.
2. Proceed UP to the brothel lounge where Otto and the awake guards were performing the end of day duties. 
3. Enter the stone cottage and take out Emance the mage as the first step to negate her threat.

After much pipe-smoking and beard stroking, option 1 was the final decision. Mainly because the fighters were all lazy bums [ due to arrive at our session a bit later ] and option 1 seemed the most stealthy and least 'plan A'.

Otto's tunnels

At 30-afore 7 be'light [11.30pm] our brave party of six (Esme was now awake) and a bunch of day-dreaming hangers-on are in the street and at the secret door. A quick Detect Traps proved that there was a trap of some kind (understandable). Munch pushed his way forward, elbowing everyone aside.

"Leave this to me losers...I will disarm the trap".

Whoops ... Nothing obvious happens, but the trap 100% was triggered. Munch makes light work of the lock itself.

Esme takes the lead and carefully opens the door and they all creep in. They turn away from the upper levels and head down to the torture chamber area. No issues.

The group navigate the secret doors, rooms and corridors that Cody had previously discovered as a gaseous mist. They get to the guard-dog quarters and relieved to find they were empty. 

The next room was the sleeping guard barracks and a silent inspection showed two sleeping guards as expected.

While Kip effortlessly and silently crossed the floor to insta-dispatch one of the guards, Munch dragged is feet and crunched a bowel of spilt cornflakes. Luckily, the target guard never roused and was dispatched instantly also.

The far exit of the room was to Otto's office and the door is locked. They will need some time to pick the lock, and they KNOW that the trap was triggered a few minutes ago??? Hmmm. What to do?

Kip was left to watch the corridor back to the upstairs area while the rest look at the lock.

Cody decides, wisely, to cast a Knock spell to speed things up. 

Whoops. Critical fail.

Cody decides that boring locks were nowhere near as interesting as the rich, warm blood all over the dispatched guards. He focuses ONLY on the blood and covers his hands and digs into the victim's wounds. He paints his face and licks the red nectar from his hands...

Meanwhile....

Kip hears noise coming down the distant corridor toward the party. Seems the trap fail is being investigated.

"Dunno what that was but we can check down here??? Everything seems ok so far??" 

Kip recognises Otto's nasal whine.

Kip returns hastily and hisses at the group to get ready. They all retreat into the last room and quietly close the door and wait.

After some noises in the dog room, the door eventually swings open and the ambush is sprung....

A guard that was assisting Otto was in the door, door handle still held. Otto and the guard dog behind.

Guard dog attacks

A hail of three archers let lose with a surprise attack that decimates the guard. At the same time, Ardern 'orders' (Command spell) Otto to 'fall' and he does so. Meaning Otto would not withdraw to safety and gather reinforcements.

Next the guard dog, whose leash was dropped by Otto, jumps at the door and the party. Tom (who wakes from his daydream finally), steps forward and gets in the way.

Tom proceeds to roll a critical hit and Esme assists with an additional massive hit that destroys the guard dog on one swift fight.

Otto rises from the floor and Ardern barks another Command to 'come' and Otto rushes forward to Ardern. Tom misses, gets hit by Otto's sword and saves vs. poison. 

As Otto passes through the room toward Ardern, Tom hits him. Esme hits him. Cody casts Sleep (Otto saves) and Ardern Commands 'cum' this time. 

Between the massive damage Otto took from Esme and Tom, along with his own fumble, where Otto casts his one handed blade across the floor, Otto falls unconscious in a bloody heap. The party make sure he is not going to bleed to death and tie and gag him securely. They search and extract his magic blade and ring, along with a useful set of keys. That should make things much easier!

There is another door off the office that Cody had not explored as gaseous form. There is a key that matches the lock and they look inside. Rather than a storage room, it is a corridor that heads off into the dark.

The group then gather their thoughts and decide that the office is a critical objective and we must investigate having come this far.

Munch protests "THERE IS NO TIME FOR THIS. We must go now and abandon the office. Nothing good will come of this!!!!". 

He is ignored as the group step into Otto's office and look around.

A Detect Magic reveals nothing magic in the office. Ransacking as much as they can, the group gather a bunch of paperwork, some vials and a bag of gems.

They move to the adjoining bedroom and another Detect Magic reveals a simple looking backpack in the corner that is quickly gathered by Cody. Contains a rope and a belt with some cool looking lockpicks, amongst other simple travel gear. 

The decision is quickly made to follow the newly discovered tunnel and avoid everything to do with Emance or the Brothel.

The tunnel extends for a long distance in a straight direction that seems to be away from the premises. It ends in a short ladder up to a trap door.  Grim bravely climbs, lifts the heavy door (seems to have something heavy-ish on it?). All is quiet and a heavy rug is pushed to one side.  The group enter an empty, dusty residential house of some kind. A quick look out the window shows the house is across the street from the brothel.

They gather up the unconscious Otto and head into the street. A cold dense fog has descended over the village [a 1 on a party luck roll] and the party enjoy a well-hidden exit from town to the safety of the barn.

Otto's Interview

Otto

Back in the barn, Cody reads through the office documents and valuable clues are uncovered:

• Otto is associated with the Sancho Assassins Guild
• Otto has been expelled from the Porn City Thief/Assassins Guild
• Documentation on the hiring of Curtis Donk and Magnus. 
• There is an instruction letter from a 'Da'vid Moorn' of Sancho as to hiring a local to look for the spear and deliver to Vincent. The smoking gun the party were looking for!!!.

Otto is stripped naked and the expert 'interviewers' set to work attempting to extract further information. Otto shows remarkable fortitude and does not offer anything new or that is not obvious. He repeatedly threatens that killing him would be a BIG mistake as he is so well connected. The party laugh in his face. He does not care about Emance or any threat to her.

Tom eventually has a break through [spending 1 luck to succeed] and Otto says that Da'Vid gets messages delivered to the Castrated Virgin in Sancho.

They ask many questions about Emance and the well-dressed horsemen from the other day and Otto does not reveal anything interesting. One thing was confirming the riders name was 'Conrad' and not that nonsense Kip had remembered.

After several hours, Tom notices that Otto bites down heavily on something. He brings something to the front of his mouth and SPITS at Tom's close face.

Luckily, Tom spots this and raises his large shield to avoid the projectile. Meanwhile Otto starts retching and foaming at the mouth. Ardern quickly casts Slow Poison to not let Otto have his own way! Still... the clock is now ticking....

The torturing continues as the party take turns. During the early hours of the morning, Otto passes away....

Interview continues

His passing offered an opportunity that the party eagerly take advantage of: Speak with Dead. They discuss a series of questions, knowing time will be short.

This was the 5 questions prepared:

1. Was Emance involved with the plot to assassinate Vincent with the spear?

2. What Group or Organisation does Emance belong to?

3. Was Conrad involved with the plot to assassinate Vincent with the spear?

4. What Group or Organisation does Conrad belong to?

5. What is the Group or Organisation that Da'Vid belongs to?

Ardern steps forward and casts Speak with Dead [spends 4 luck to succeed]

The dead, raspy Otto replies followed:

1. No - Emance not involved with plot

2. None - **Emance is my sister**

3. No - Conrad not involved with the plot

4. Conrad is associated with the Porn City thieves guild

5. Da'vid is associated with the Sancho Thieves guild

Back to Porn City

Otto is buried well away from the barn where no one will find him. Just as the last of the sods of dirt are put in place, Willow wakes up and wanders out of the barn.

The party ponder the danger of leaving Emance alive after killing her brother? Cody reminds us that the Wizards Guild stated outright that she was to be left alone _{technically 'don't mess with her' but Cody beefed up the message to the rest of the party}_. The decision was made that she was no threat if we leave for Porn City now and never come back.

A short round of rebuilding spells and hit points and the group head off to the Porn City direction way station. Nothing untoward happens and the party safely arrive back in Porn City.

Cody checks in at the Porn City Wizards' Guild and updates Thespian on everything the group has discovered. 

Thespian barks: "So????? Why are you telling me know when you don't have the answers??? Why aren't you on a boat to Sancho????"

Cody grumps back under his breath... "you bloody well kept asking for updates prat"

"What was that?? Never mind.. Get out of here scum. I am sick of you". 

Thespian casts a spell and as Cody returns to the party. They see he is vastly better looking at average now. Unfortunately it did not last long.

Loot

Tickets to Sancho were secured aboard the Squalid Seagull. Departs in four days. The party take time heal, restock and to audit the loot and divvy up:

1. Otto's magic short sword (1H sharp) - +1 to Hit and Poison (2D4 damage) - Passed in 

2. Magic Dagger (1H Sharp) - Ignore armour and cauterizes wounds (auto stop-bleed without needing to maintain pressure) - Passed in 

3. Otto's magic Ring of Protection+1 - Willow (Chris)

4. Otto's magic Pouch of Holding (200kgs) - Esme (Shane)

5. Otto's magic Lock Picks +2 - Munch (Darryl) 

6. Otto's magic Rope of Climbing (10m) - Munch (Darryl)

The gems were used for the identifies and change added to the party treasury. The vials are poison (of course). Probably nasty at that.

Sancho

Sancho

Captain of the Squalid Seagull is Tobias Pemmet - Pensive Islander of firm but fair disposition. He runs a well-managed ship and two and a half weeks later, the party arrive safely in the horror that is the grand city of Sancho.

As the party has plenty of loot, they check into the hotel Sable Lilly, in the 'nicer' part of town known as the Spire District. 

The party settle in and start gathering information from the various guilds and organisations that might help. Munch fails miserably at the Thieves Guild the moment they learn he is from Porn City. "Bugger Off" was as good as he got.

Cody checks in with the Wizards Guild. The WG run this city are are immensely powerful. Cody discovers the whereabouts of the Castrated Virgin down in the 'veins'. An underworld where anyone can buy anything you can possibly imagine. As if the above ground streets were not bad enough.

Esme checks into the Soixante Neuf temple and joins the perma-orgy. She befriends a worshiper that seemed to be a member of the Thieves Guild. She enquires on how to recruit thieves for a mission.

"Oh easy, just post on the TG notice board"

Esme digs a bit into the infamous Da'Vid as "I heard he was a top operative and worthy of hiring?"

More Sancho

"Hmmm.... Yes, think I have heard of him??? Don't really know too much sorry." Esme's sweaty, red faced new friend offers.

Esme and crew head to a guild known as the 'Whispers'. They are the gossip and information guild and a good place to go. After a healthy donation, an older gentleman appears in the room.

"Yes... I am very familiar with the Castrated Virgin and its history. Been owned by Da'Vid for the last couple of years, after a few different owners. Da'Vid is a member of the Ebon Circle - the assassins guild. Tends to be a middleman or fence that is a conduit, rather than direct operative. Sits as middle tier in the guild. Not a bunny, but not a senior either. We don't have any information on known associates at this stage, but if YOU find anything we would love to hear"

Esme quickly responds; "Well, we could tell you for a healthy donation!"....