The Evil Reichsmarschall

Exploring further, in this universe, small animals are used to perform electrical activities and some mechanical functions. Lamps and bulbs are glowing hamsters, complex mechanical functions (like dirigible engines) are done with animals. Radio valves are voles and mice. We turned out to be in an alternate Earth, during World War two, in a Nazi zeppelin. There were soldiers on board, human, who spoke German. Curing magic did not work here, and I no longer had the link to Illana. Wizz [NPC] did not have his link to Vull but Ah Hung [Steven] did have his link to Grism (though, Grism has no heal spells).

Ah Hung volunteered to have the Speak-German suppository inserted; it was the diameter of an egg and long as his gnome foot. After some painful and eye-watering minutes, he had it in.

"Oh mein Gott. Das ist völliger Agonie," he whimpered, half-sobbing, as he hobbled around.


Out in the corridor, we encountered two guards. Despite being armed with rifles and lugers, we managed to drop them. Peg Groups [Ian] got shot in the arm.


Then we progressed through the ship, encountering and dispatching soldiers, and amassing a collection of three MP40 machine guns, two rifles and two lugers. It turned out, much to our advantage, that one of the high commanders of the airship was an evil double of Yeti [Darryl]. Several of the guards acknowledged Yeti as their leader, until they realized their mistake, but it was too late then. There was probably a whole platoon of soldiers on the airship, so we didn't want to encounter them all at once.

In the stern cabin, peering through the port-hole, we espied one waiter, two guards, two lieutenants and the actual Yeti look-alike. He was physically identical to our Yeti, dressed in the regalia of a Reichsmarschall, had a wicked scar above his left eye, and radiated evil like some demon from Hell. 


Guessing that he would have a high-tech high-magic plate embedded in him, like Bad Santa, and that this was the key to go home, we launched a two pronged attack into the cabin. 


The instant we started firing, the evil Yeti started to morph into something huge black and dark. Wizz, John Wayne [Shane], and our Yeti, froze in terror for a few moments, and the evil Yeti sent out tendrils of darkness into me. The tendrils possessed me, but thankfully Wizz managed to chop them off.

The soldiers soon died, followed by the lieutenants. We suffered some heavy damage ourselves: I went down with a horrendous chest wound, Peg Groups had his arm smashed to pulp, and Light Touch [Jeff] had his arm blown off and vaporized into a red mist. But six well-placed Healing suppositories cured us enough to defeat the  Reichsmarschall. He was destroyed in a hail of MP40 bullets, double-handed sword strikes and Ah Hung's tenacious mace. Mention in dispatches to Peg Groups for firing a MP40 one-armed, to Ah Hung for some pin-point long-bow shooting, and to our Yeti for a lucky blast with the MP40.


We had two Regeneration suppositories in our collection. When one of these was inserted into the hapless helpless armless harmless Light Touch, the stump of his destroyed arm started to slowly regrow.

The Airship

Back in the caves, we headed down a passage to a store room. It was empty, so back-tracked to a locked door. Since all was quiet behind, Light Touch opened and we glanced inside. It was a large chamber, in which was thirty to forty coffins and sarcophagi. Investigating further, many of the coffin lids had frightening images, frozen in the stone, of the suffering occupants struggling to get out - a la Han Solo in his Jabba's carbonite coffin.

There was an ominous slopping sound out in the passage. A gelatinous cube, presumably from the "empty" store room, was working its way up the passage. We beat a hasty and well-formed retreat, to avoid being trapped in the coffin room, and returned back to the steps, where the cube could not follow.

There was now only three viable routes: the first was outside to the valley filled with humanoids, the second was through the new one-way portal that had formed in the outer passage, and the third was back to the throne room with the twelve skeletons and skeleton lord.

We took on the skeletons. After a difficult battle, all twelve were downed. The skeleton lord, on the throne, turned out to be just a non-animated skeleton. But as we were about to leave, three tough skeletons arrived. These were the skeleton lord and his two lieutenants. It was a tough battle, but we vanquished them. I cured everyone up, we rested and recharged, and then ...

...went into the other one-way portal.

We arrived in a small metal room filled with hundreds of animal cages, stuffed with animals of different sizes. Right from the smallest vole to large salt-water crocs. The room had port-holes, and outside it showed we were hanging from a huge dirigible, and were flying high above the clouds. We could hear the engines droning away the whole time.

The Thermodynamics of One-way Portals

One-way portals are standard fare in many adventures. The archetype allows an object to pass only one way though the portal. If a stick is shoved in half-way, it cannot be pulled back. Similarly, if you shove your arm in, it can't be pulled back, and you have to move deeper in.

But if we look closely at the physics and thermodynamics involved around the portal boundary, we run into a few problems...

Air

Standard air that we breathe is made up mainly of heaps of Nitrogen and Oxygen molecules whizzing around bumping into to each other, like ping-pong balls in a tube. And, boy, do they whizz! At normal air pressure (one atmosphere), they're moving at about 500m/s. Granted, they only get to move a tiny distance before they bang into another molecule, but still; they are moving this fast. If you introduce the one-way portal to the air, the air molecules at the portal boundary will shoot through it, and they can not come back. Any molecule near the boundary is going to end up crossing it, or will bounce into another molecule near it, and cross it. Very quickly, you'll end up with a vacuum on the portal boundary.

Looking at our Caves of Chaos black dome, the air surrounding the dome will try to fill the vacuum, and this will manifest itself as a wind - a phenomenal wind - blowing into the dome. This wind will be faster than the biggest hurricanes and tornadoes we see on Earth. Its theoretical limit will be the speed of sound, but with the turbulence and ground-effect, you get about 70% of this. That, however, is still pretty damn quick: 240m/s, or 850km/h. This is still more than twice as strong as the strongest hurricane and tornado winds ever measured - they are around a wussy 400km/s - and will be enough to not only tear whole trees from the ground, but dirt and rocks too. The only thing left around ground zero would be bedrock and whatever the dome is attached to.

You would certainly get localized weather effects too. With the massive pressure gradient, water from the air would condense into clouds, and you would certainly get a spinning vortex, a la a tornado, around Ground Zero. The sight from Pind would be impressive - a black funnel cloud extending into the sky, with ensuing storms and lightning. There would be a massive roar too: a continuous background-growl of a thousand freight trains.

Luckily for Pind and the Shadowlands keep, the speed of these winds into the portal dome will drop off at the square of the distance. The black dome was 1km in radius, so you will get the mach 1 winds on the edge. Out at 2km, we're down to 200km/h. And at the 15km campsite, it is just a 4km/h zephyr.

Inside the dome would be Hell on Earth. As an inhabitant, you would see a wave of destruction hurling towards you at almost mach 1, tossing trees and dirt. It would smash everything over, and it wouldn't stop. There would be secondary sonic shockwaves bouncing off the ground and the pressure fronts of the incoming air. And with pressure comes temperature; within a few seconds, these would rocket up. From the snowy frosty night of -10C, to an inferno of 250C in 1.3 seconds.  The pressure and temp would keep ramping up and up utterly burning everything inside the dome. The next notable stage would be at 46 seconds when the pressure hits 34 atmospheres which is when Nitrogen gas (the main component of air) becomes a supercritical fluid, and no longer behaves as an ideal gas. That gives us the small consolation that means it doesn't get so hot so fast, though by now we are at 8000C. (Tungsten, the element with highest melting point, melts at 3422C, and turns to gas at 5555C)

Molecular

Looking at the molecular level, as the molecules (mainly oxygen and nitrogen) fly across the portal boundary, there would be a fraction of a second where the portal boundary divides the molecule. The molecular and electrostatic bonds between the atoms would suddenly be at half strength (can only pull one way). The side-effect of this means that the molecule would fly apart into its component atoms. But then, as soon as these atoms pass entirely into the dome, they would recombine - and release the bond energy of the molecules as heat. Taking our most common gas, the triple bond of nitrogen's N2 molecule is one of the strongest bonds there is (945KJ/mol), so when one cubic-meter of N2 is recombined, it releases 84MJ of energy (a single-bar heater for 23 hours, or burn 2.4 litres of petrol). Bearing in mind that our in-flow of gas is 240 cumecs for each 1 metre-square section of the dome, this is a lot of extra heat. Now our poor sap in the dome will see a huge fireball roaring at him at mach 1.

 Atomic

Looking down at the atomic level, things get even worse. A similar thing will happen with the nuclei of the atoms entering. The strong nuclear force that holds the nucleus together will be briefly broken causing protons and neutrons will disassociate as they pass into the dome. When this plasma recombines, it is going to do all sorts of strange things. You probably won't get the same atoms that went in. But whatever happens, I would hazard a guess you'd get even more energy. It'd probably be in the order of ten times what we have already.

Subatomic

You could apply this logic to the protons and neutrons too. They'd disassociate into their component quarks, and pre-ons and other strange subatomic particles. What this soup of elementary particles would produce is anyone's guess, but rest assured, it would be heaps more energy. Probably another ten times.

So what is our conclusion here?

• Beware of one-way portals.

• Don't go anywhere near a one-way portal.

• Don't live inside a dome

• Never give a gun to ducks.

The Universe is Strange

(posted by Chris)

With the blood of Santa and his little elves staining the snow, most of the party moved into the keep to search for toys.  They found little of interest except Light Touch, well-beaten, bound upside-down and naked with a wooden bung on the second level.  With him was a manacled prisoner – what appeared to be a male gnome of Asian origin.

“Hi guys” the gnome said waving cheerily.  “Finally, you came back for me!  I really thought you’d just sacrificed me.”  The gnome paused when he saw Carla and his eyes narrowed worriedly.  “Huh?”

The gnome was released and he introduced himself as Ah Hung – actually also a Christchurch roleplayer who had travelled through the portal in Jackson’s Bay but more like two years ago.  The group even recalled Ah Hung as someone who had played with them once or twice years ago.  However, it turned out that Ah Hung actually came from another universe where there was a different version of Christchurch – what sounded like a hell world of slavery, oppression, violence and fascist rule.  The party that Ah Hung was travelling with was similar to that of the group, but different. 

Carla was ‘gnown’ to him as Carnilla (and she was an evil high-bred drow), Yeti as Sweaty, John Wayne as Marion Morrison, Light Touch as Tight Bunch, Peg Groups as Leg Pokes and Whizz as Phizz.

The other party had been travelling and adventuring in the Prime Material plane for nearly two years under Carnilla’s leadership doing and collecting a number of strange things that she had never really explained to Ah Hung or the others, but focussing her efforts to the south of the Keep on the Borderlands.

They had visited the Caves of Chaos a few times, most recently several days ago when their group had also found the portal dome, and Carnilla had pushed him through to see what lay on the other side.  Carnilla and the rest of his group had not, however, come through to try and save him afterwards.

Ah Hung was invited to stick with the group.

Outside Santa’s keep, John Wayne had noticed that Santa’s suit was perfectly clean and fresh and apparently untouched by the messy combat that had just taken place.

“Ooh, magical,” he muttered, stripping Santa’s body of all clothes.

Once the body was unclothed, John Wayne noticed a huge scar across the belly.  He prodded it and felt a solid square plate of some sort under the flesh.  With a knife he cut it out.

The plate was around 30 cm a side and looked like an odd mix of high technology alloys with magical runes partly inscribed but fading into complex patterns that, in turn, shifted to what looked like an unfinished and largely unformed corner.  It radiated magic.

As John Wayne lifted the plate from Santa’s body, the world shimmered and faded.  John found himself back in the Prime Material plane about a hundred metres back from the valley holding the Caves of Chaos.  There were several cries and screams of alarm as the rest of the group (who were on the third floor of Santa’s grotto) dropped from the sky landing in a thick bunch of bushes.

The group healed a few scrapes and bruises and beat a hasty retreat – noting that the portal dome that had been over the valley was now gone, but a Dome of Night was covering the same area.

The group reached their campsite on the other side of the river and three hours travel away near dusk.  They settled down for a quiet night of rest.

John Wayne took this opportunity to put on the Santa suit.  It was not what he expected.  It adjusted its size perfectly to his body and plunged dozens of probes into his body – almost becoming a second skin.

“Umm,” is that wise, Carla inquired.  “Take it off.”

“I can’t,” John admitted after a brief attempt.

Whizz put his hand to his forehead.  “Eeeeeviiiiillllll,” he moaned pointing at the suit.

The group considered options but eventually decided to just wait and see what happened.

With the coming of morning the group struck camp and were getting ready to move out when there was a puff of smoke and Axminster appeared.  He was visible only for a moment before his body twisted oddly, flattened and was then replaced by another figure.  The figure was probably male, but with a tiny body and huge bulbous hairless head.  It was wearing a silver unitard and had what appeared to be an acme ray gun holstered at its side.

"Hello adventurers," the newcomer said.  "I am Mentoz.

There was a wary silence.

Mentoz continued.  "I have come to tell you what you must do and why."

Everyone eyed the raygun.

Mentoz spoke.  "The universe is far stranger than you might imagine," he said loftily.  "I have travelled from far in your future to tell you what must be done and why."

They stared at him expectantly and he continued in a pompous self-important tone.  "All things have a beginning; a point, a place, a thing, an event.  The universe began at a point far away, but with a thing and an event that is here - or to be specific that is several miles underneath us, but that for all intents and purposes might as well be here."  He paused and scanned the group.  "Most of you are familiar with the basic high-school physics experiment where a magnet is laid under paper and iron filings are scattered across the paper - yes?  Good, underneath us is an object that was present at the very beginning of the universe and that shaped how the universe took form.  It is essentially intertwined with everything else in the universe - but the universe itself has organised itself along the fields generated by this object.  There are eighteen habitable dimensions and 126 dimensions where existence, and indeed the various laws of nature themselves, break down and make life either impossible or monstrously different.  There is power running through each dimension and power between the dimensions.  Travel between them is possible in places or with objects finely attuned to the first object.  Are you following me so far?"

Everyone nodded dutifully.

"Very good.  Some creatures are more attuned to the field that drives the interaction of matter and energy and a smaller number still are able to shape it - either directly or through the use of various foci.  All of you have that sensitivity - I'm sure of it, or you would not be here.  In fact most everything with sentience that occupies these around this place by its own choice, rather than upbringing or compulsion is also sensitive to it.  Your sensitivity is evidenced by the fact you are stronger and more powerful here than the dimension from which you originated.  The more dimensional shifts you make from this prime material plane the greater the likelihood you will lose some or all of your gained powers - except in those few remarkable places where the universe itself has open links to the first object or one of its inter-dimensional shadows.  Still with me?"

"Excellent.  I am one of a group of plane travellers who attempt to keep order in the universe.  It is not easy as those with the greatest affinity to the power exercise powers that you would regard as godlike while others only discover their powers in groups, or in the presence of certain objects.  That is why some forms of association are now universally banned for bringing more sensitive creatures together - this includes several forms of animistic worship and every form of role-playing.  It is also why the appearance of certain objects almost universally cause inter-dimensional disasters and are outlawed in across most galaxies - including camp stretchers, caltrops, eleven-foot poles, shoe buckles, grappling hooks and broad beans."

"Uhh, broad beans?"

Mentoz's face grew dark.  "Pray you never find out exactly why they are forbidden.  But, I digress.  There are three types of creature in the universe.  Nodal, Modal and Shadow.  Nodal exist in all dimensions and are often worshipped or feared as gods.  Modal recur in many of the 18 habitable dimensions.  They are not numerous, but they are the ones, like yourselves, who have the greatest affinity to the universe and its powers.  Shadow creatures are all others – usually living simple, dull lives never touching or being greatly touched by power.”

"But that is not why I'm here. The Altar of Chaos sits above the first object.  The priests are using it to open portals over this valley and to hold them open as a way of stopping you from attacking them.  What they don't realise is the enormous damage this is causing to the space-time.  Plane travel is possible, but can only be safely done by using natural gates between the realms or particular devices that are highly attuned to one or more of the realms.  They have opened the portals by punching holes into contiguous universes and this threatens everything.  You must close any such portal they open and end the control of the priests over the altar.  Once closed, it will take the priests a day or more to create another similar sized portal. 

"But what assistance can you offer us in this mater" asked John.

"None" intones Mentoz "I am unable to interfere directly."

“What nothing at all,” John Wayne said incredulously. 

Mentoz shuffled his feet and handed over a small metal case.   

“These may be of use.  Ten of them will heal, two will regenerate and one will give you command of the German language.”

John Wayne opened the case and found what appeared to be suppositories – ten in green, two in blue and one huge hens-egg sized one in gold.  “Oooh, that’s going to hurt,” he muttered.

Mentoz made a strange gesture.  “Till we meet again,” he called, then disappeared with a pop.

The group discussed the visitation as they retraced their steps to the Caves of Chaos.  They approached the caves away from the river and, using illusions and some smart sneaking by Light Touch were able to get past an ogre guard post and into the particular cave complex where they believed the Altar of Chaos itself was located.

Light Touch scouted while the others waited at the cave entrance.  He found two doors down a corridor – one with a light and muttering coming from behind it, and the other in complete darkness.  Further along the corridor he came to a T-junction.  In one direction the corridor ran along for fifty metres before angling south.  In the other direction, the corridor ran for ten metres and opened out into a large square chamber of red and black stone with a gigantic altar in its centre.  The walls of the chamber were carved with intricate friezes of twisted, tortured figures.  The whole place had an unwholesome feel and Light Touch backed out rapidly and returned to report.

The group didn’t want any enemies behind them as they moved into the complex, so they decided to take on the door with the light and the muttering.  Yeti and John Wayne readied fireballs while Peg Groups and Whizz got ready to follow up with swords and maces.

When everyone was ready, the door was flung open to reveal a small chamber with four beds, a table and a small shrine.  There were two humans sleeping in the beds, another sitting on the edge of a bed and a fourth at the shrine.  Two fire-balls took out two of the enemies instantly and scorched the others.  Peg Groups quickly cut down the others.

As the bodies hit the ground, dark mist-like smoke emerged from them and drifted out the door and down the corridor towards the T-junction.

“Umm, follow it?” said Carla uncertainly.  The party did.

The smoke led them into the room with the altar.  It went past the altar and into a darkened corner that no-one had really looked into previously.  There was a figure there – a man with improbably black skin, wearing completely black clothes.  He was tall and powerfully built and he stepped forward.

As various people reached for weapons or backed down the corridor, the man raised a reassuring hand.  For some reason everyone released their weapons.

“Interesting,” the man said – his voice a stentorian bass that rumbled the air in the room. 

He beckoned to Carla who obediently went and stood before him.  One part of her mind was screaming, but her body seemed incapable of responding.  The man took her chin in two fingers and gazed into her eyes.  She felt his mind exploring hers and, as he did, she gained the merest glimpse of his own mind.  It was vast, powerful and utterly alien.  It shook her and filled her with incomprehension and fear.  She glimpsed impossible creatures and places in his mind and events and encounters beyond anything she would have through possible.

After nearly a minute the man released her.  One by one, he called over Yeti, John Wayne and then Whizz and did the same to them.  

“You all have great potential,” he said once his strange inspections were complete.  “I shall watch with interest.”

He then stepped back to his corner and merged into the darkness and was gone.

The shaken party staggered out of altar room to consider their next move.  To their consternation they found that the corridor leading the other way out of the T-junction was now blocked by a wall of perfect darkness.  A quick poke with a stick confirmed it was a portal – one-way like the other one.

“It’s been less than a day,” Carla muttered.  “Those cheating priests!”

The group decided to explore the other door they had found.  It led to a short flight of stairs down with what appeared to be dungeons beyond.  

In one room, the party found a half dozen kobolds being tortured by a large and tough jailer.  A brief battle saw him cut down.  The gnomes then had fun cutting up the kobolds.

In another darkened room, the party heard a woman’s voice calling for assistance.

“Umm guys,” said Carla.  “I remember running the Keep of the Borderlands module years ago.  I seem to recall there was a medusa somewhere around here.”

With that caution, the party backed quickly away.